Running towards something…

Went to see “Sing-A-Long-Grease” tonight and let me just say I think this needs to become a cult classic much in the same vein of Rocky Horror.  I have not had that much fun in a long time… what a great evening!

And here’s a minor gripe, because I’m just not me without one:

When I moved in this building almost a year ago, I quickly made friends with neighbors… My friend Megan lived upstairs…The girl across the hall caught me the very night of my breakup (after several margaritas) and we had a nice bonding session… There were 2 kids down the hall who had kitties named Starsky and Hutch.  And then, there’s BDTH, or who I’ll occasionally refer to as “Bitch down the hall”.

Now, when my friends were here, they had their run ins with her and I was calling her BDTH mearly based on stories they’ve told me - up until about 3 weeks ago I had had no problems with her.  See, one Friday evening I picked up my house a bit and put 2 bags of trash just outside my door at about 10pm.  I was planning on being up and out rather early Saturday morning, but I got sucked into the sleep-o-sphere and didn’t wake up until 4pm.  When I woke, there was a lovely (not really) note under my door saying that it was rude to leave stinky trash in the hall to bother the neighbors.  OK, 1, yeah… I see her point, but 2, unless her face was IN the freaking bag, most of the shit in there was paper.

Anyhow, fast forward to me coming home all giddy from Grease, I step off the elevator and immediately upon setting foot on my floor I smell it.  I fucking detest the smell, I really really hate the shit, and I don’t have to pretend to tolerate it anymore: BDTH has her door open, as well as the door at the end of the hall open to air out the smell of just-smoked marijuana.  What’s even worse than the hallway smelling like pot?  Walking into my apartment and having it smell like pot.  I kindly walked over to her door and said, “Excuse me, but were you the one smoking?”  She and her 3 friends say yes.  I say, “I’m sorry, but I can totally smell that in my apartment.”  She looks at me with that look that I have a whole lot of fucking nerve (plus the look of ‘christ, it’s just pot’.. I know the look well) and says she’ll close the door. 

For 5 minutes after, there are several door slams throughout the hallway.  Why… why did she have to live up to her name with me?  And of all things, why do none of those lovely people that once lived here live here anymore?  It makes me debate the choice of renewing my lease, but this place has been SOOOO patient with my several times of not being able to make rent - I feel like I owe them a year of paying on time… plus, it certainly wouldn’t hurt my renter’s history.

Anyhow, ending this on a good note: If ‘Sing-A-Long-Grease’ comes to your town: go see it!  Sooooo much fun!

Get prepared for a little bit of woe is me… 

It used to be, when I was working strictly admin jobs, that I could send out 60+ resumes, get a 10% response, and have a job within a month of looking.

Trying to get a job in the design industry feels like it’s next to impossible.  Part of me wonders if it’s Karma - I didn’t go to that interview in Seattle… I didn’t take the job that I thought was “too far” because it simply would have been an annoying commute.  I feel like I keep talking to these design recruiters and they just don’t seem to think I have enough experience for the positions they have open.  It’s that old circle of how to get experience when no one will hire you without experience.

And even though I’m applying for jobs outside the industry, the more I think about it, the more I don’t want something like that because I really enjoyed the job I had, while I had it.  Sometimes the people drove me nuts, but the work itself was great!  I remember the first time a client said that my space plan looked awesome I started dancing around the office.  I can’t see that happening if I write a good memo, or create an awesome spreadsheet.

And on top of everything else, I came to the realization yesterday that I cannot make the trip to Maui - the source of me starting this whole blog in the first place.  Delta will refund my skymiles for a fee of $50, and I can’t even afford to ask them to cancel my ticket right now.  I only just last Friday paid May and June rent, and while I did renew my lease for my apartment and my rent will stay the same, I’m unsure where money for July rent will come from, as I’ve got calls coming in from all my creditors and I’ve become an expert at ignoring my phone.  When I get my paychecks I’m paying my utilities so I can keep a roof over my head.  My fridge consists of Slim-Fast, sugar-snap peas, cheese, and crackers in the cupboards. 

I could get to Maui, but I’d have no place to stay.  And given all of the above, I have no way of saving up for a place to stay, and it’s too late to call the travel agent and have her book it because I couldn’t even afford the deposit at this point.

I might contemplate the half Chicago marathon, just so I’m still doing something in the running aspect, and I won’t feel like a complete failure for bailing out on yet another one of my grand ideas… but we’ll see.  Right now goal #1 is to get a job.  Goal #2 is to pay some stuff off.  Goal #3 is to live happily ever after - or at least happily without worrying where all this stuff is coming from.  I’m pushing 30 for crying out loud… shouldn’t I have shit figured out?

I spent a greater portion of the day in my apartment, reflecting on how nice it was to be disconnected from most things involving communication over the weekend.  See, while I was watching Heidi the dog, I didn’t have internet access.  While I can check gmail over my phone, it was more for a reading basis than a writing basis. 

I really wondered what the point of having internet access in my home was, for a while, as I enjoyed my time reading, or repotting my plants, or (*gasp*) picking up parts of my apartment.  I wondered, that is, until I found this website:

http://www.ihatecrocs.com/

Honestly, I couldn’t tell you which I disliked more: Uggs or Crocs.  Both have got to be some of the ugliest footwear to be on this planet, yet those who wear either have a cult-like following.  The blog of I hate Crocs though…. that’s pure effin genius right there.   I especially love the clip of the blog owner cutting up a pair with scissors - I only hope they were donated, and she didn’t help fund that company.

Anyhow, that’s what I’ve got today - I hate crocs, I had a nice disconnected weekend, and I still have no earthly idea how Maui is going to happen (however, I do know that my rent is covered for May and June now, so I at least have a place to live.  Hooray!)

Less than 20 days till my “single-a-versary”.  I think this calls for a celebration.  Is it too late to register?

I’ll have an exercise buddy this weekend:

Her name is Heidi, and she has far more energy than I - despite the fact that she had an accident a couple weeks ago involving her chasing a bunny across the street and a car not being able to stop fast enough.  Heidi and I have plans to watch dvd’s, eat Chinese food, and hit the lakefront together.  Her mom is going out of town and I’m totally taking advantage of her apartment for all it’s worth (she’s in a high-rise right on the lake.. sweet!)

For a running blog, there hasn’t been much running to talk about.  Honestly, there hasn’t been much to talk about in general, as things seem to be the same as ever.  As I said to the lawyer on our usual late-night-texting session last night, “I’m trying to stay positive, but all these no’s keep creeping in: No job.  No boyfriend. No motivation. blah blah blah.  I’m on a desperate search for my happy place…” because I do believe that somewhere in the depths of my soul and mind there is a happy place where everything is clean and, well, flourishing.

It’ll all come together eventually.  It has to.  Seriously.  I will not become the recluse spinster with 20 cats (or 3 cats that have a combined weight of 20 cats, which is what I have now!)

Sometimes an email comes through right when you need it the most.  This comes from K-rad, or Konrad if you haven’t gone on a date with him before.  K-rad is also the author of another blog, Shot Reverse Shot, for the filmmakers in the house.

His email to me is as follows:

Angela,

K

K-rad has turned me towards all sorts of motivational ideas, and while I tend to think they’re awesome when he tells me and then fall back into my woe-is-me habits, he somehow senses the universe is awry and will plop an email like the above to me, or send a text out of nowhere. 

That entire website up there, Zen Habits, is really kick-ass from what I can tell thus far.  I’m printing out some articles to read on the commute home as I type.

I’ve said it in text, email, and now on here too - thanks for the link, K!

Me:I’m starting to feel like right now is not the time to attempt to make Maui happen.
Andi:You’re going to have to wait and see when you will get a job and how much it will pay, what your benefits will be, etc, before you can really make a decision about Maui.

So yes, the nay sayers are living in my head, infecting my thoughts this time.  More than anything, it’s a financial thing - I’ve got the plane ticket and the marathon fee paid, but the hotel and extra expenses are a different matter all together.  If I don’t get a hotel near the start or finish, then I need to either plan on a rental car or a taxi and both of those are expensive. 

But Andi is right… I need to see where I end up working for good before I make a final decision about Maui.  At this point, I have talked so much about it, I’m afraid that if I say I won’t be going everyone is going to be flashing big I told you so signs in front of my face… but if it’s not a financially sound move, then I guess I’ll just have to figure out some way to block out those views.

I hope I don’t jinx things by saying this, but all that running around for the first date the other night… totally worth it.

I’ve been on a high all weekend thanks to that night. 

Here’s hoping for the best…

Running late is not the same as running. 

Running late goes something like this:

-in person interview, leave the office feeling great.
-hit up H&M to see what’s what, buy 2 shirts, don’t bother trying them on.
-go to old navy for jeans.  try on a pair, wonder if they’ll stretch too much, or just enough by the time i need them to.
-hop on an express bus.  it takes me over an hour to get home.  on the way i text tonight’s date to let him know i might need an extra 15 minutes.  he replies this is fine.  i’m entertained by texts from the lawyer the rest of the duration where he tells me how good of a bowler he once was and i tell him about my former trophies.  he threatens to show up tonight and let me be the bachelorette.  i tell him if he shows up it’s going to be more like elimidate.
-get home, have unemployment check (yay!), have invitation to former-former job’s grand opening gala.
-dig through clean laundry that hasn’t been put away to find cute panties - with zero intention of having them seen, but still going for the “cute panties = self-esteem points” theory.  toss on jeans to give them stretch time.
-one h&m shirt too small, other just right.
-good curls today - hair up? hair down? half-up? all down?  fuck.
-this necklace? that necklace? this one?
-earrings? no earrings?
-cover the wrist tat? don’t cover it?
-did i get enough cash?
-don’t forget socks for bowling shoes.
-repeat new kelly clarkson song over and over.
-remind myself to be more prepared for the next date, but know it will always end up being a last minute prep thing.  for a low-maintenance girl, first meetings suck.

I think I’m ready for a for-real boyfriend again.  Or, at least a second date.

Today I played hooky from everything responsible I was supposed to do.

I texted that exact sentence to The Lawyer* a few minutes ago and he asked what I did instead.  Absolutely nothing, was my reply.

I couldn’t get out of my own brain long enough to move myself out of this apartment today.  This, is pretty pathetic.

*You’ll learn that I tend to nickname everyone I go on at least one date with.  And no, they don’t all know what their respective nicknames are - it’s more fun that way.

I’m going to throw some random photos in this entry to make me feel a little less gloomy.  Get ready to be bombarded both visually and verbally.

This is Forrest and Willow actually getting along.  I was originally snapping this photo to show that this is as far as my suitcase from the Seattle trip has gone.  There isn’t much left in it, aside from some photos I nabbed from mom’s house and some books of mine that I gave her a while ago that I took home with me. 

A little sidenote anecdote for you:  My mom has this box of photographs that I’ve been through time and time again, yet it’s always fun to look through them because time has always lapsed since the last time I checked things out.  Anyhow, in all my 29 years on this planet, one thing I never saw in this box was an 11″x17″ colored pencil drawing (with wildly-attempted perspective) that my mother made around her 8th grade year of school.  What makes this drawing extra special for me is that she and her friend at the time found these large sheets of paper and decided they would draw their “dream homes” on them.  If you imagine the back-side of a dollhouse that’s how this picture is made.  I say this is special because it makes me feel like it wasn’t just a whim that brought me into design, but perhaps something I took from my mom.  Ok, I might be stretching to find a connection, but in all honesty, this drawing has to have been one of the coolest sentimental finds to date.

Now is probably a good time to mention I’m still temping, and I’ve moved to sending my resume to pretty much ANY available job out there - design or otherwise.   It’s not that I have any desire what-so-ever to throw away my coveted degree, it’s just that I need to pay rent.  What’s worse is some of these jobs I’m applying for, I KNOW I’m qualified for, but I’m not getting response on my resume.  Ok, fine, it’s only been a few days, but I need some instant-gratification!

This is how close we were to the Cubs’ game the other night.  You know, the Cubs’ game that went into 15 innings?  You know, the Cubs’ game that we heard Take Me Out To The Ballgame twice because there were 2 seven-inning-stretches?  You know, the Cubs’ game that they ultimately lost?

I understand Cubs’ fans.  They have faith in their team, even though they might suck.  They aren’t like the fair-weather fans who are now filling the Sox games because they won a World Series.  I blame Andi for this attitude whole-heartily, because she has instilled it in me since the beginning of Hockey season.  Her bank actually mailed her tickets to a Blackhawks’ game for free on a Sunday afternoon.  The United Center was so empty we could actually hear the hockey players on the ice - and we were in the highest level possible.  So there.  I’m opinionated.

Vegas (see above) and her mommy were part of my “walking” last night.  I can’t say we went far, or went fast, but the time out of the house was well spent.  Rumor has it that it is cold outside now, but I have enough stuff to keep me active tonight, and then over the weekend, the lakeshore path and I are going to have a little chat about my mood and the state of my life.