Running towards something…

Whenever it’s the 28th of the month I always think I’m either __ and __ months old or, if it’s a date like today (November 2 I think Christ, in 3 months I’m going to be 30.

I’ll put it on record now that I am actually looking forward to my 30’s.  Anything is better than 28 and 29 were, but I have this feeling that my 30’s are going to be great.  I am, however, already feeling a bit like Rachel here:

But, with any luck, I’ll enter into my 30’s with a nice guy throwing me a surprise party… and with my wishy-washy feelings about getting older, I’ll probably be more like Monica:

So, I went to Church today.   When I got the news about the job I mentioned to several people that I owed God some thank you’s and I have to say I’m glad I went.  Aesthetically, the church I went to is stunning - reminds me very much of the church I grew up in.  Small-town Massachusetts church did not have homeless men in the lobby asking for money though.  Talk about Catholic guilt!  I think I’ll go again… I’m not sure if I’m ready to full-on throw myself back into the Catholic religion as there are things I’d still like answers to, but perhaps I might look into an adult confirmation class.  I know my sister and her family just went through something similar with the Lutheran church, I’d hope a large parish like this one would have something similar.

Then I ran into an old… hmm… what do I call him?  We dated, but we weren’t dating - does that make sense?  If someone asked if he were my ex boyfriend I’d say no… maybe that clarifies it.  Anyhow, the story goes like this:

I went to knitting, which is at a coffee shop near his house (I didn’t choose the location, fwiw).  I was early, as I had gone there straight after church, and was setting my things around our little area so no one else would sit there.  I had just sat down to start knitting when I looked up and walking by the window was him… This is where it gets silly - I dropped my knitting, grabbed my purse, and went straight out the door and tapped him on the shoulder (he was ipodding).  He turned around and said hello, and small talk ensued from there.  I had emailed him about the new job so I told him a little about it.  –

You know the saying my knees were weak?  While I was standing there talking to him it totally happened!  I could feel one leg start to twitch a little and If he couldn’t see my leg shaking I’m sure my nervous giggling gave myself away.  Ugh.  When I went back inside I kept wondering why I bothered running outside - did I just make an ass of myself?  I probably did.. He and I met at the way wrong time and I think know I liked him more than he liked me.  He let me down easy, which was probably a good thing, but still… I wish he and I could of had a chance to have a second first date because the person I was then compared to the person I am now?  Well, maybe it would have changed his mind. Maybe it wouldn’t have… *shrug*  Won’t ever really know. 

All I can say is out of all the “boys” of last year*, he’s the one I still think had the most potential and somehow, it just didn’t work.

*I went through quite the phase of internet-dating/oat sowing starting last year, carrying over to this year.  I basically quit when I realized I was making some really stupid choices (not unsafe.. just.. stupid in terms of the boys I’d date and/or do more with).  I won’t bore you with details of how long it’s been since I’ve sown an oat!

I can honestly say I am thankful for the experiences the past two years have given me.  The person I was then versus the person I am now and who I continue to become are polar opposite - in a very good way.

I hope all of you have had a great thanksgiving and that you have many things to be thankful for.

It’s so hard to believe that when you’re down and out, but I look at the events of this past year and there really is nothing else that could explain it - Everything happens for a reason.

Dear Blog readers of mine… you will be pleased to know I have been offered a job!  Not only is this job amazing, incredible, and IN MY FIELD…. It also pays more than I was making when I got laid off in April!  This means I can get my rent caught up.  This means I can work on paying off my credit card debt.  This means I can feel GOOD about myself again!!

I am seriously over the moon ecstatic about this position!  I cried when I called my mom to tell her the news.  My friend in Florida wanted to send flowers but then thought in lieu of she’d just send me some cash via paypal so I could get a new outfit for my new job. 

All is contingent on a drug test, but since I’m like, WAY anti-weed (so let’s face it - I’m anti all that other crap too) this shouldn’t be the least bit of a problem. 

Over.

The.

Moon.

Yay me!

I wrote this nearly 10 years ago, back when I was much better about posting to a blog (back then we called it “online journalling”).  Anyhow, I share this with you because I find it funny to read the naivety in my voice about being in a big, bad city.  To be honest, I don’t remember this day at all - but it must have happened since I wrote about it, right?

A few things worth mentioning: 1. I get the same rush when I look at the skyline of Chicago.  In fact, my ex used to get annoyed that anytime we were in a taxi or on the bus and had a good shot of downtown I’d say and say, “Look! It’s our city!”  2. I *heart* White Chocolate Mocha’s from Starbucks.  I wonder what was so horroble about the hot chocolate I had that day.  3. I was creeped out by guys pacing around and this was pre- 9-11-01.

Also, I didn’t edit this for spelling or grammar - all is as it was back in 1998.

Monday, January 12, 1998

As the snow clouds loom overhead casting a dark shadow upon the state of Washington, this starts the worst morning of my life.

I HAD a job interview today.

I woke up at 6am, which is a miracle in itself, because I’ve been sleeping in until at least 10 lately. Took a shower, Got dressed, even put on make-up…J asked me if I looked outside at all…”No” I said. To which he replied, “It’s snowing.” Oh…wonderful…I’ve got to walk around down town Seattle for an interview in the cold, wet snow. Just peachy.

J drove me to the ferry. I was early, so I decided to wait in the lobby for a bit…I remembered this time how boring the last ferry ride was, so I brought along a book…as I sat in the lobby of Kitsap Transportation, reading my book…minding my own business, some guy plopped his (college?) books down on the bench that was in front of me. He still just stood there…he looked like he was talking across the room to someone else that was there, I don’t know exaclty what he was doing there, be he began to pace…about 2 feet in front of me…he was really weirding me out, so I went to wait outside, seeing as how the ferry pulled up right then

I had to wait outside still for about 5 minutes. The gateway to the ferry is covered, but it’s still outside, and I’m shivering. Teeth were chattering and everything. Finally they started to board the ferry, and I found a seat off to the left and stared out the window for a bit.

The ferry ride itself isn’t too bad. It’s about an hour long, but it can be pretty nerve-racking when you’re on your way to an interview, and you start to consider what’ll happen if you DO get the job…”Do I really wanna commute to Seattle everyday” …etc..etc.. As these things are going through my mind, I look up and I see the Seattle skyline up ahead.

I can’t explain it too well, but there’s this…rush…when you see a big city like that…it’s like you can feel the opportunities that are all around in that city. Seattle is a really cool place to be…even if it does weird me out to walk around it by myself.

I got off the ferry and started to walk down the stairs to the street…I looked off to the right as i exited the ferry terminal. Last time I was in the city, I walked out the same door, looked over to the corner and saw a homeless man sleeping…talk about scary…I began to kinda walk along the street a ways not with, but near these 2 other women. They, like me, seemed in a rush to get where they were going. Either that, they were jsut as freezing cold as i was

About 4 blocks down, I found the street that the print shop was on…I walked up to the door, because I couldn’t really remember if the woman on the phone told me 9 or 9:30…As i was reading the hours on the door (BTW, they did open at 9…it was like 8:55 when I got there), there was this other printed sign on the door…it read:

We apologize for the inconvience, but due to an emergency, we will not be open today. We hope to resume our normal hours tomorrow. Thank you for your cooperation.

The first word out of my mouth was, “Fuck.” i pulled out the ferry schedule to see when the next ferry was leaving. There was one leaving at 9, and another at 10:30. I called B to let her know what happened and asked her to meet me at the ferry terminal at 11:30. She said she’d be there..

I hung up the phone and began to walk to the ferry. I got maybe 2 blocks down, and I noticed that the 9:00 ferry was still there. So…I ran…and ran….and ran…

…I ran just fast enough to walk in the doors to the terminal and watch as the ferry pulled away from the dock. “Dammit.” (my second word spoken to myself.)

Well..this was turning out to be a lovely day. Ah yes. I decided what i really needed to warm me up was a nice cup of hot chocolate. I’m not much of a coffee drinker, which is sad for me because I’m living in the friggen coffee CAPITAL of the US Starbucks is the big coffee chain around here, so I decided to check out what their hot chocolate was like.

Word to the wise: Don’t order hot chocolate from a place that is famous for their coffee. It was probably the worst hot chocolate I’ve ever had Sigh…what a day….I sat in the terminal, read an entire newspaper, and decided on the hour long ferry ride home that I was not going to work in Seattle…unless of course I found some amazing job that paid like 20 dollars an hour and made it worthwhile for me to go over there…

Btw…we got like 4 inches of snow…something which seems to be pretty uncommon around here…The news was going crazy aboout it…you’d think it was a category 5 hurricane or something…My hands still are frozen like icicles 

1. Tonight a customer came in and asked if I could point her to the Banana Hammocks, and she wasn’t asking for a thong.

2. As I was swiping a customer’s credit card I noticed his name was Derek - I asked him if anyone ever called him McDreamy.  (smack forehead #1)   I then proceeded to tell him that for Halloween I dressed in Ciel Blue scrubs and had a nametag on that said I was Angela McSingle - Surgical Intern. (smack forehead #2)

A word to cute men out there: Please don’t assume that because your friendly retail worker is working retail that she does not aspire to bigger and better things.   Sometimes you just have to make ends meet - give a girl a chance!

Of course I say this but know that 80% the men walking in my store don’t want what I’ve got (because I’m a girl, that is) so the aforementioned point is moot I suppose.

I must have made up for not napping these past couple days by sleeping in PAST NOON today.  Holy crap - I rarely do that these days, even on weekends…  I mean, I’ve woken up early and gone back to take a nap at noon, but never sleep the whole way through.

 And now I have to work in a few hours so I’ve really wasted my entire day at home.  Poo.

Also, I didn’t post yesterday, so officially NaBloPoMo lasted me 10 whole days, but last night I was sitting in front of my computer and realized I had nothing to say (much like this post!) and figured quality was better than quantity…

For the first time in a long time I woke up at 6:30am, went to work, stayed out of the house all day, and came home and DIDN’T NAP.

Of course I’m feeling the effects of it now and I’m supposed to come up with a meaningful blog post. 

My thoughts at this second can be linked to two posts on “Oh No They Didn’t”.  The first was a first sight for me - pamie.com being discussed on ONTD… Well, not pamie.com per se, but a post from Liz Feldman on pamie.com.   Some negative comments about pamie came about and while I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, being a fan of pamie since 1998, it made me sad to think that there were people in the world that didn’t think she was grape jelly (by that I mean incredibly good). 

And I just found the second post on ONTD while going back to get the link for pamie’s… a nice pictoral and interview with Interpol - specifically, the boy I think is incredibly YUM.  Check it out here.

Ok… I have to call it a night before I pass out at the keys.

Tonight Andrea and I had a couple Guinness at Bennigan’s before heading over to our favorite LYS (Local Yarn Store) for a discussion, display, and general drooling over yarn.  Drooling over fancy yarn leads to depression so we ended up ducking out a little early and hopped the nearest train.   Not wanting the night to end so quickly - because let’s face it: it’s rare for me to be out on a Friday night - we decided on a bar close to her neck of the woods for a few more beers.

It was while we were there, and playing some key songs on the Jukebox (Good Life by Weezer and Laid by James) that I realized I have yet to find a Chicago substitution for Independent Bar in Orlando.

Back in “the day”, no matter what crowd, the downtown Orlando scene more often than not went like this: Go into Independent to get a wrist band before 11pm, leave Independent and go next door to BBQ Bar where our friendly Bartender Laura would hook us up with Red Bull & Vodka’s (mine with Mandarin) that were far more vodka than redbull.  After a few of those we’d leave BBQ and head back into Independent for dancing.  That’s where the fun of the night would begin.

See, I was never really able to pull off the goth look.  I always blamed it on smiling too much.  Hanging out with (and being in a) Rocky Horror Casts and people who played Magick (sp?) afforded me chances to be the dark and twisty girl, but I could never do it. 

Anyhow, Independent was mostly a gothic club, but you could see people there wearing khaki’s and a polo on occasion too.  The beauty of Indie was that it didn’t matter if you could goth kick or not- as long as you were moving on the dance floor as if you were in front of your own mirror at home, no one really cared. 

And I don’t have a bar like that up here.  Sure there’s Neo, the very goth club, but I always felt a little awkward dancing there.  The only other place I’ve seen people sort of dancing was Exit, but those people were in cages and, well… maybe it picks up later in the night, but every time I’ve been there it’s been quiet.

So, that’s my thought for the day.. I miss having a club I could go dancing at and have it be fun… I so can’t do that crazy raver dance shit.  Hell, I probably don’t even goth dance well, but at least I feel good doing it and that’s really all that matters, right?