Running towards something…

I saw this flock of birds as I was driving on A1A, just on the north end of Patrick Air Force Base (I don’t know what city that’s considered to be in… Satellite Beach perhaps?)  Anyhow, I snapped one through the front window and then took a risk to see if I could catch them through the sunroof. 

This has become one of my favorite photos of the entire trip:

I already miss seeing sky that blue - while I love Chicago, there is something so nostalgic in a GOOD way about the Atlantic Coast of Florida for me…

I changed my cell phone number today for 2 reasons:

#1: I’m tired of 80% of my calls being from bill collectors.  I’ve got the intentions to pay them back, I just don’t have the funds for it right now.  If I hadn’t of had the Florida trip, I’d actually be paying my May rent on May first, but alas, it will be April rent.

#2: Even though it’s been close to 2 years since his number has been programmed in my phone, I still remember my ex’s phone number because it was only one digit off from mine.  This, in combination with letting the ghost of our relationship haunt me all weekend in Florida, lead me to an instance of drunken texting (to which, thankfully, there was no reply.)

Here’s the thing, and I’ve probably said this before: My ex gave me the greatest gift he ever could have - my education.  Without his support I wouldn’t have been able to go to school full time and only work part-time.  The start of my career path?  Yeah… he helped guide the way.  But here’s the thing: I cannot allow him to infect my thoughts the way he does any longer.  I do not OWE him for what he gave me.  The things he did to me, and the things he took from me emotionally?  Payment.  In full.  Cross that debt off my list.

The career is mine.  The path might have been started by him, but it’s mine to pave.   The further away I can move from him and his ghost, the better the walk - hell, maybe even the RUN down this path might be.

So, there’s this little boardwalk path in North East Palm Bay (Florida) that my best friend and I took a walk down yesterday.  New, since the last time I had been there, were all these carved messages in the planks.  I’m positive it’s a donated sort of thing - most were messages saying In Loving Memory Of… but there were a few that stood out:

I hope Priscilla said yes. 

This other one though… here’s where I need your help.   What do you suppose this means?

You are my soap.  The hopeless romantic in me says, “aww!” but I have NO idea what they are implying!! I’m sure it’s an inside joke… maybe someone once had a sordid past and Fawn helped Keith clean up his act?  Either way, it made me pause, ponder, and photograph it.  What do you suppose it means?

The trip was a success, work-wise, I think.  I guess I’ll find out for sure tomorrow. 

Emotionally… the trip took it’s toll on me.  I am thankful to have wonderful friends to lean on and especially greatful to one in particular who can bring me away from my tears and into laughter in a matter of seconds.  Of course, the way he did this was by telling me I look like a manatee, but… whatever.

Whenever I take a trip, there’s usually a post that is titled as this one is.

So, I’m checked in, but I couldn’t choose a seat assignment.  Here’s hoping that by getting to the airport a full 2 hours early I’ll be able to actually HAVE a seat on the plane.  Leaving 2 hours early means the shuttle is picking me up form my house at 4:30am.  UGH.

I procrastinated last night enough that I didn’t get a DAMN thing done, which means tonight I have a full list of things to accomplish before leaving tomorrow at the ass crack of dawn.  I’m sure I’ll be sitting here at work all day thinking of all the crap I need to do at home.

Anyhow, off to Florida - off to see friends I haven’t seen in a while - off to see coworkers who knew me 50lbs lighter - off to beach myself on the Atlantic shore.

Wish me safe flights!

I haven’t mentioned it here, but I’m going to Florida next week for work and pleasure.

The work bit of this trip comes exactly one year to the day I was laid off from my former job (a week later the company went under, which is usually what I say, but… whatever.)  Anyhow, the work trip is awesome not only due to location, but because I get to see something I space planned come to fruition!  I’ll admit it wasn’t a full-fledged “design” job, really it was a matter of planning the space and deciding that the panels should alternate between blue and green but still - I’ve stared at this floor plan for weeks on end and starting next Monday it’s going to be real!

So, there’s the work meeting, which will be great, and then when all that is over with, other happy things happen:

I’m renting a car, which means I get to DRIVE for almost 4 full days! 

I’m going to stay with Ginny, who was just up here for my birthday!

I’m going to see my old coworkers at lunch, and swing by my former boss’ wine store. 

I’m going to get to go to my favorite bar and club on a Friday night and DANCE!  I will probably pass out after one song, but whatever. 

I’m going to drive over to the beach AND plan to actually lay on the beach to get a little sun AND play in the ocean!  I haven’t seen the Atlantic in over 4 years!

I’m going to stay with Josh (splatterblog over there on the side) and Gabby (his gf) while over on the coast side of the state, which is awesome and a half!  I haven’t seen Gabby since I moved, and I haven’t seen Josh since he came up here for my graduation!

And then I come back to Chicago - which I have come to know as home.  When I first started planning this trip it dawned on me that this really IS the place I call home.  I mean, the town my dad is in will always be my “home town”, but as for the place I am making a name for myself - well that’s right here in Chicago.

It’s only taken me 4+ years to finally say that.

So, I had to go back to the Doctor’s office on Saturday to get one more blood test done as the last time I was there and the glove incident happened they wanted to do a cholesterol test and I was supposed to fast for it.  Since I did not know they were going to want to do this test, I had had breakfast prior.  Oops.

Anyhow, it’s been about a year now since I had gone to the doctor and had blood work done.  When having blood work done, as a single, non-monogamous woman, I’ve been in the habit of asking them to throw in an HIV test for shits and giggles.  I did this immediately after breaking up with the ex, and have followed this protocol ever since - even if I have been “safe” and/or abstinent since the last test.  What can it hurt, right?  Besides, don’t they say you should have that test done every 6 months anyhow?

So, this appointment on Saturday was only with the lab.  When the nurse brought me back (the same one who was able to get an instant stick last time - and who didn’t bother to don gloves at all) I first asked if she could be the one to draw my blood, and second I asked if it was ok to throw in the HIV test as well.  She looked at me and said, “why?” 

“Uhm.. well, it’s been a while since my last test and I like to stay on top of it?” 

“Well, your last test was negative.”

“And I’m sure this one will be too, but I’d still like to do it. ”

She sighed and circled the little box for the additional test (but you know, as I write this, I don’t remember signing a consent form and I’ve always had to in the past… hmm..)

Anyhow, part of the whole point of this story is twofold: 1, my nurse gave me shit for wanting to get an HIV test done which I think is bullshit.  And 2, how ironic is it that when she knew she was pulling blood for an HIV test she suddenly put on a pair of gloves?

There was a series of graffiti floating around Chicago a couple years ago with messages similar to the one above.  Simple little notes to remind you that things aren’t always as bad as they could be; notes to keep you motivated to better yourself.

It’s nearly spring, which is when I wax nostalgia about things I could have done differently and would like to vow to make better for the future.   Finding that photo in the midst of the rest of my flickr photos couldn’t have just been by accident - it could be that I need to stop worrying and grow the fuck up when it comes to certain things.

And so, I’m making a decision I hope to not regret:  I’m going to stay in my apartment for another year.  I’m going to get over the mindset that I need a wall, another room, more space for more junk.  I’m going to make the most of my place and I’m going to start with a coat of paint on a wall.  (maybe 2-3 coats of paint, if I do the color I’m thinking…) I’m going to save my pennies and get some real furniture and not cheap, must-have-a-sofa-because-it-makes-sense-for-the-ex-to-have-the-fancier-one, items off craigslist.  I’ll take down the clock that doesn’t work and replace it with some sort of art that is worthy of taking up a large chunk of wall.  I’ll get curtains.

I won’t do this all at once, of course… baby steps.  But, I will make this place more livable for myself and my kids (cats). 

There’s more to this whole rebirth thing than being more organized and making my place look pretty, but I’ve got to work out the kinks of the finances before I start talking about that. 

The whole point is, I HAVE nothing to lose - but everything to gain.