I’m running a risk by talking family matters here because whenever I do it seems to get thrown back in my face somehow in the heat of an argument. This topic in particular has been on my mind since the ride home from work on Friday when I checked my email from my phone and read that my 96 year old Great Aunt is now under Hospice care. She has “taken a turn”, I’m told, and now the doctors and nurses are just watching her on a day by day basis to make sure she is comfortable and not in pain.
Growing up, my mother stressed the importance of being strong and independent. I cannot think of anyone else other than my Great Aunt who embodied these traits to the fullest. Of course, one could also have called her stubborn as a mule, but you say tomato…
Aside from the fact that her health is fading rapidly, what is getting to me the most is that the last few times she saw me when she was aware (she’s been in this nursing home for 4 years and diagnosed with Alzheimer’s) she saw me with my ex. The last memories of me she had were of me living my “Happily ever after”. I thought it would help to talk to said ex about it because he was there when she was aware, and then he was there when she was in the home and didn’t recognize me. The very last time I saw her was in 2005 – ex and I had gone to CT to visit his family and we took a day to go visit mine up in Mass. ex, ex’s dad and I all sat around a table with my great aunt while she ate some chocolates.
Anyhow, I tried to call said ex and he didn’t return my phone call or my texts. Point taken. Bleh.
Here’s a couple snippets from old journal entries where I talked about my Great Aunt – some happier memories, some sad memories… I can’t bring myself to post the things I had written when she went into the nursing home… I’ve tried to read through them all weekend, but they make me cry.
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9-3-2001
I’m having family issues right now. My great aunt is 89 years old, and she’s going in for surgery on Thursday…… Anyhow, so I called my aunt to tell her I was thinking about her and would pray for her for her surgery (because I do that) and she said, ”I wish one of you girls was here to take care of me.. I’m kinda scared.” and it broke my heart.
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2-21-2002
My great aunt is turning 90 next month and there’s a big shin-dig going on for her up in Mass. Mom called the other day to suggest she and I drive up together, but 2 days later she said, ”forget it.. i’m not going, I’ll buy your plane ticket.” So.. I’m going, and I’m bringing Melissa with me. ***(Side Note: I actually ended up taking the ex on this trip because Melissa and I had a falling out just before it…The ex and I weren’t together, but we started dating again shortly after this trip.)
90 years old.. I can’t even imagine it. I mean, I’m about to commence year 24 (or is it 25, technically?) on this earth and here she is, starting 90. When I was a little girl, I was really close to my grandmother, who we called Mem. Mem was Maraine’s (my great aunt who’s turning 90) sister, and Maraine lived next door to us so she was over all the time. I remember praying that mem would make it to 90, because I wanted her to see me get married when I turned 20. (Ok, fine.. when you’re 9, 20 is EONS away and you think you’ll find prince charming fresh out of high school and live happily ever after..) Mem only made it to 78.
Maraine is turning 90 next month.
I’ve never taken anyone to Massachusetts with me. Taking melissa makes it more of a vacation than a family trip. Some day I do hope to take a significant other (not saying mess isn’t significant, so don’t take it that way!! I’m talking about *gasp* .. a boy.) up there with me. I want someone to be interested in the little places I used to hide in the school yard… I want someone to swing on the swings with me at the playground my dad used to take me to every sunday. I want someone to understand why, when I look at the house my aunt sold a few years back, I might cry because once upon a time in that house there was a growth chart etched into her wall from the start of every school year. Now someone else owns that house and covered it in no trespassing signs. Most of all, I’d like someone to meet Maraine, the oldest link to my family’s history.
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3-19-2002
My great-aunt’s party was a success. She walked in the room, and we all kinda stood there with blank looks for a moment before we all burst into applause and said, ”Surprise!” I found out that very few people found out that she had already known there was going to be a party for her, so that was a little more comforting. I walked over to her table after we had eaten to say hi to her and give [ex] a little bit more of a formal introduction. As he started the walk away, my 90 year old great-aunt said, ”Your boyfriend is cute!” Luckily, she didn’t make other comments about him as she has been known to refer to other nephews as ”the one with the nice buns”. I hope when I’m 90 I’m still checking out 20-30-some things and referring to them as ”cute.”……
Went to visit my great aunt at home and talked with her for a little bit. As our visit was drawing to a close, she looked at [ex] and said, ”What’s that in your eye?” ([ex]has his eyebrow pierced and had made a comment earlier that no one in my family had made him feel like a freak. We thought this was the moment where it was about to happen.) ”I think that’s cute! That’s the in thing to do these days, isn’t it? Piercing your eyes and bellies and such?” To which, I pulled up my shirt to show her my belly ring. She smiled and said, ”That’s very cute!” In case you’re keeping track, this is how cool my family is – My 80-something year old grandmother said Fuck, and my 90-year old great aunt thinks piercings are cool.
