Archive for July, 2008

Stronger than yesterday.

July 30, 2008 at 9:54 am · Filed under dating, daydreaming, interesting, life, love, motivation, nostalgia, pisces, self esteem, sex

Without even really noticing, I have stumbled myself into another long-term relationship – with myself.

You see, this week marks 2 years since I moved into my own place.  While it’s questionable when the exact date of the breakup was, I’m going to just call it the day I moved out because really, that’s when the party ended for him, I just wasn’t aware of it (or maybe I was blind to it was a better term.)

So, in 2 years I have gone on countless dates, had some sex here and there, but really, aside from the very first guy I met right after the breakup, who I saw for maybe a month and a half… no one has stood out.  No one has made my heart go all a-flutter.  No date has gone beyond the, “I had a great time, but…” stage.

If you had told me in 2006 I’d be writing a post like this I would have called your bluff.  No way.  I’m a serial long-term dater – I’ll SURELY fall into a long term relationship again.  And I guess, in some ways I have, it’s just very one-sided at the moment.

But I’m way more confident now with what I will stand for, what I won’t stand for, and what, in a perfect world, the man of my dreams will be like.  Perhaps this is the perfect relationship for me, at the moment.  Maybe in another 2 years I’ll be able to copy and paste this same post – but secretly?  I hope that isn’t the case.

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Same Difference?

July 25, 2008 at 9:34 am · Filed under anxiety, daydreaming, life, love, meditation, motivation, nostalgia, questions, travel, vague, worry

I pose a question to the general public out there – is there a difference between “I wish I had…” and “I regret…”?

 

This being a crazy emotional month, I keep saying things like “I wish I had done X differently…” and to me it sounds a little too regretful.  I mean, had I handled certain situations differently my past would not have shaped my current in the way it has.  Who’s to say life would have been better if I had done some of the things I’m pondering these days?

The ultimate goal is to never regret… but yet you learn lessons by doing the things you do… so what is the difference and how do you stop dwelling on the steps you took before?

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I have a dream, a song to sing…

July 23, 2008 at 8:12 am · Filed under Maui Marathon, dating, daydreaming, debt, dreams, exercise, job stuff, knitting, life, love, motivation, travel, weight

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually sat down and figured out what it is I want to do with my life because for the most part, I like to think I’m living it.  A few minor (maybe major) changes to be made, which is why I think it’s time to come up with a couple of lists. 

Short-term goals (before year’s end)
1. To be at a weight that doesn’t start with the number 2.
2. To come up with a plan for managing my debt (be it actually filing for bankruptcy or paying one card off at a time) AND STICKING TO IT.
3. This sounds trivial to some, but I want to finish knitting a pair of socks for once!

Long-term goals (before I turn 35)
1. Pass the NCIDQ so I can “officially” be a “Designer”.
2. Run and/or walk the Maui Marathon.
3. Visit Ireland (specifically for the Aran Islands).
4. Visit Spain (specifically to see this Calatrava building).

The major one I’d like to throw into the mix, which is out of my control, is to fall in love and eventually marry.  It makes me a little sad when I actually think I may end up being a woman who never bears a child, but then I remind myself that things happen for a reason and let’s face it – I haven’t run into anyone who would have been good father material in the past.

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It’s all metaphor.

July 21, 2008 at 10:21 am · Filed under dating, daydreaming, knitting, life, love, nostalgia, sex, vague, worry

I have this knitting project I’ve been working on for well over a year now… I’ve done 2 somewhat completed versions of it and hated both of them.  Last week I got this book with patterns that only require one skein of yarn and one jumped out at me- it was a simple pattern with one cable to give it some interest.  I immediately ordered the yarn online, got it on Wednesday, cast on that evening and I’m 50% of the way through with said project and I LOVE it.

This is metaphor for sometimes it takes multiple tries to get something right, but when the planets are all aligned and whatnot – things can be absoloutely amazing.  I cannot wait to finish this project and it’s all because I found the right parts and pieces to make it fabulous.

If only I could manage to do this with my love life.  My really awesome date a few weeks back could have turned into something amazing if I hadn’t let my body take over.  Another nice date last weekend seems to also be fizzling due to schedules just not matching up at the right times.

It doesn’t help that the guy who I compare most potential men in my life to is going through a rough time right now and my heart is feeling his pain in ways I cannot describe.

I’m not entirely sure where I’m going with this… my brain is muddled and while I understand and feel that the break-up they are going through is smart, I feel my friend’s pain.  I guess I’m hoping for his planets to get aligned…

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One small step.

July 11, 2008 at 1:16 pm · Filed under being a democrat, dating, life, love, motivation, rants, self esteem, weight

We’re doing the Biggest Loser here at work again… the last time around I gave up around week 5 because people started trumping me and I wasn’t really doing anything to try to lose any weight. 

This time around it’s the 3rd week in and I’ve joined Weight Watchers’ On-line.  Today was weigh-in day and since the whole thing started I’m down 8 pounds!

Huzzah!

I also have a funny dating, or in this case, not dating story.   So, I was supposed to have brunch with this guy over the coming weekend.  We chatted on the phone last evening and conversation was flowing quite nicely, which I was pleasantly surprised by because his emails were nice, but… a little off.

Anyhoo, he asked me how long I’ve been doing the online dating thing and I explained my on and off again feelings about it.  “I’d rather meet someone after exchanging 1-2 emails so that we have things to talk about in person… also I feel that sometimes you can have the best conversations via email and on the phone but you can meet in person and there is ZILCH going on in the chemistry lab.”  He agreed with me and I continued on, “At the same time, you can go on a couple great dates and then find out the guy smokes weed which is a total deal-breaker for me.”  He was quiet for a moment and then said, “Hmm… perhaps we shouldn’t meet for brunch after all.”

Christ.

So I asked him if he smokes marijuana and he said, “occasionally.”  I said, “Can you define ‘occasionally’ for me?” He says, “Oh, I don’t know… 3-4 times per week?”

I don’t know about y’all out there, but 3-4 times per week of anything is not “occasionally” to me.  That’s “regularly” or “often”.  To me, an “occasional” user is someone who is at a party and takes a drag off something that’s being passed around.  If he’s smoking 3-4 times per week that means he has it in his house regularly and he’s buying it.  ”Occasionally” my ass.

So, needless to say, that date will not be happening.  I have a sentence in my profile that says something along the lines of “…you share my views on being pro-choice, anti-drug, and think that it’s stupid that more states don’t allow gay marriage.”  I’ve since edited it to clarify the anti-drug bit by saying ”if it’s illegal.. it’s a drug”.

The sick thing of this all is that I APOLOGIZED to him about not being able to have brunch with him.  WTF??  I should NOT be apologizing for having a stance on something, and in the future, I won’t.

But seriously, is every 30-something guy in the city a pot-head? Why have most of the guys I’ve run into online into the ONE thing I consider a deal-breaker?? 

Oh, but one more funny thing… I was telling RSG (Ride-Share-Guy) this story this morning and I said, “Does this make me have some conservative tendencies because I am so against marijuana? Am I less of a liberal because of this?”  RSG’s response was classic, “I don’t think so… I’m pretty sure half the country must have been stoned to re-elect Bush and you know the liberals didn’t do that.”

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The now.

July 7, 2008 at 11:56 am · Filed under interesting, life, love

So, the butterflies.  When I came into work the following day after posting photos of Carl, I was right about Marie emerging overnight.  What I did not expect was to see Ellie and Isabelle also had emerged!  I could tell which one was Carl, as he only had one antennae, but as for the ladies… no clue who was who.  Clara… well, she was still in her chrysalis Wednesday morning but started to emerge around 9am:

Not knowing what to expect while watching a butterfly emerge (does it happen quickly?  Will it take a while?)  it was pretty interesting to see her push her way through.  I had gawking coworkers checking it out and we all marvelled at the miracle of nature.

Sadly though, Clara only half-way made it out of her chrysalis.  I kept checking her all day (visually) to see if she had dropped, but she remained attached.  The next morning she was in the same position I had left her in the previous night and that was that.

So, out of 6 caterpillars, 5 turned into chyrsalis’, and out of those 5, 4 turned into butterflies.  On Thursday afternoon a coworker of mine brought her 2 year old son over and we all went outside to release them together.  I picked each one up and each hung on for a moment before flying away.  It was really amazing to see!!

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It’s that day again.

July 7, 2008 at 6:40 am · Filed under 7-7-05

My thoughts are in London this morning.

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Got a pretty, pretty garden…

July 1, 2008 at 8:24 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

Meet Carl:

Meet Carl’s sisters, who are still napping:

Why does a 30 year old woman have butterflies growing on her desk at work?  Probably because she never did this little science experiment as a kid.  Maybe it’s because I read about Rob and Schuyler watching their butterflies hatch and I wanted to be cool like them.  Maybe I needed to see something actually flourish to remind myself that things aren’t so bad.

Whatever the reason, this has got to be the coolest 25 bucks I’ve ever spent.  Could I have put that money elsewhere?  Perhaps.  Would it have made me smile so much?  Unlikely.

I expect that Marie is probably hatching (emerging?) as I type this, but since they are at work I won’t know til tomorrow.  My bets are on Ellie following suit, then Isabelle, and finally Clara.  If they don’t all emerge by end of work Thursday I’ll be bringing them home with me and perhaps setting them free on the 4th of July.  My own little version of fireworks bursting free in the sky.

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