Archive for aches & pains

You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

August 8, 2010 at 9:59 pm · Filed under aches & pains, anxiety, exercise, motivation

Over the past couple of months I’ve been on a self-improvement mission.  Well, I guess I’m always on a self-improvement mission, but I feel like certain things are finally clicking into place – perhaps that’s a better way to put it.

I think it started with the hypnotherapist.   I had asked my GP what she thought of Hypnosis as a means to combat my anxiety/panic attacks and she was all for it.  My main goal is to not have to medicate it with antidepressants because they make me feel worse.  Not in a panic sense, but I tend to gain weight on them, and the last time I was on them I literally lost the ability to cry.  You would think that would be a good thing, but sometimes you just need a good cry and when that is taken away from you?  It pretty much blows.

Anyhow, to find a hypnotherapist I first saw the acupuncturist who worked in the same office as my GP (because GP didn’t know who to refer me to).  Acupuncture doc gave me the recommendation to see my current hypno-doc and voila!  To be honest, we haven’t really divulged into full-out hypnosis yet.  That should be next week.  We’ve spent several weeks talking about my history and my goals.  She’s way easy to talk to and I feel comfortable with her – which is awesome.

I had also started seeing a chiropractor, but that really started because I was sore after the rear-ended-car-accident thing.  With her she’s been adjusting me using the activator method and I feel better after each visit with her as well. 

A common theme has emerged from my GP, Hypno and Chiro: Yoga.  They all want me to be doing it.  Hell, my former teacher-now-friend has been talking yoga to me for years.  It might be time I actually do something about it.  I hesitate to even say this, because the thought of tossing money out scares me, but… there is a gym really close to my place that has some good reviews and is cheaper than the last one I was at.  I’m thinking about it.  It has Yoga classes pretty much every day, plus other classes that look interesting.  Should I put forth the cash?  I just might.

Stay tuned. :)

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The little details.

August 7, 2010 at 10:09 pm · Filed under aches & pains, questions

I got to thinking earlier today that parts of my life would be simpler if I was blogging/journaling on a frequent basis. 

I came to this conclusion while I was at my Chiropractor’s appointment today.  I’ve had this weird pain in my foot for “a while” now, but can’t quite remember when it started.  I know it wasn’t super long ago, but I know it was hurting before I had the car accident (which, is another story all together).  

By process of elimination, I have determined this strange foot pain started on June 18th.  Here’s the thing: had I actually been blogging I could have gone back and found the precise date I started bitching/whining about it.  Instead I had to flip through my dayplanner to find out when the accident was, check to see when I went to a concert, check to see when a birthday party I attended was… etc. etc. 

The mundane little details of my life aren’t important to everyone else, but this simple little aspect of yammering away online was once a very useful tool.  I wonder if I ought to get back to it?

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By the letter V…

December 29, 2008 at 9:49 am · Filed under aches & pains, anxiety, bummed, dating, life, rants

Wrote this on Saturday evening…

Oral surgery went better than I expected. There was no counting backwards from 10 – it was just… now I’m awake, now I’m not, now I am and I’m less 3 teeth from my mouth. I was even able to talk and crack crappy jokes.

Got more Vicodin. Could totally become an addict at this point, but I don’t see how people do it. Right now I feel like my heart is barely beating, I can’t concentrate enough to read or knit and even though I’ve already napped, I think another one is in order. I’ve been good and I wrote down when I took the last dose, per my mother’s instructions, so I don’t overdo it or put myself through unnecessary pain.

Andi is a freaking angel for taking me.

What else… Christmas Day I posted an ad on craigslist, much to my own chagrin. The biggest clause being that if said guy was to answer the ad, they were to please answer a few simple, but silly questions. No answers, immediate deletion. Well, 2 people kept my attention throughout the day, one more than the other… The more-attention guy, we’ll call him E, he and I passed questions back and forth and it made the day far less depressing than I thought it would be when I woke up (I was literally chanting to myself it’s just another Thursday). Anyhow, we got to a point where I flat out asked him when he was going to ask me out for coffee. 2-3 more emails passed after that – he asked if I was free that night, I suggested Friday because.. well, just because.

And then he stopped emailing.

The other guy… the other guy DID ask me out for coffee, which I initially agreed to, but then things got a little weird. He didn’t have a myspace or facebook to offer up, and despite the fact that we were going to go meet each other, he was unwilling to give me his phone number. Call me crazy (which I probably am for posting a fucking ad on CL in the first place), but I just felt a little weird only knowing this guy’s first name, no number, nothing else. He made some crack about giving me his SSN after we met so I could do a background check, which I thought was rather condescending. I was asking for his phone number – not his freaking blood type.

So I guess this cements my whole ‘not worth it to date’ feelings again. I’m mildly bummed that I didn’t get to meet the E guy, and the other person who emailed was a potential psychopath.

I know there are moments where it’s good to be alone, but I can’t help but wonder what the frig is wrong with me sometimes. Maybe that’s the wrong verbiage.. I wonder what is wrong with MEN that they don’t find me the least bit appealing. Whateva.

Finally, I’m potentially moving down the hall next weekend. There’s a 1 bedroom opening up on my floor and, if the floorplan is every bit as fabulous as it is in my head, I’ll be walking all my shit from one end of the building to the other. This means I can have a cat-free bedroom, which is going to take some getting used to – I do enjoy when Forrest curls up in my feet at nighttime – but I think I’d enjoy knowing I could put my face on my pillow without using a sticky roller on it first to get all the cat hair off.

I think I’ve hit my limit for how long I can sit up vertically.

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Not to mention… who’s going to hold my hand?

December 16, 2008 at 8:36 pm · Filed under aches & pains, life

Things that suck about being single #092380923:

You need oral surgery.
You have to have someone arrive with you, stay there while your mouth is cut open, and escort you home.

When you are living with someone you simply say, “Hey.. I’m doing this – be there.”

When you are single you have to see which friend doesn’t have plans with their family, who has a car, and who will make the least fun of you while your numb, drooling and potentially puking.

Andi is going to be that friend, but she makes no promises on the not-making-fun front.

December 27. 3 extractions. I’m there.

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You can’t pardon a turkey?

November 26, 2008 at 8:44 am · Filed under aches & pains, funny, holidays, tv

My feelings of Thanksgiving are gradually getting better.  I’m going to go home tonight with determination to get my place ready to put my Christmas tree up tomorrow.  I will have the girls at my place tomorrow if it kills me.

I heard this soundbyte (bite?) on the radio this morning and I remembered how awesome The West Wing is… I really ought to start watching the DVD’s I bought months ago.  Anyhow, here’s the transcript of one of the best scenes ever:

C.J.:  Mr. President.

BARTLET: Yeah?

C.J.:  Hi!

BARTLET: Hi.

C.J.:  I’m sorry to ask you this, sir.

BARTLET: Not too late to stop yourself.

C.J.:  I need you to pardon a turkey.

BARTLET: I already pardoned a turkey.

C.J.:  I need you to pardon another one.

BARTLET: Didn’t I do it right?

C.J.:  You did it great, but I need you to come out here and pardon another one.

BARTLET: Aren’t I gonna get a reputation for being soft on turkeys?

C.J.:  Sir, could you come out here and just get this over with?

BARTLET: No, I’m not just gonna get this–What the hell is going on?

C.J.:  They sent me two turkeys. The most photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children’s zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.

BARTLET: If the Oscars were like that, I’d watch.

C.J.:  Mr. President…

BARTLET: Just buy the second turkey.

C.J.:  They already sold it.

BARTLET: There’s not much I can do.

C.J.:  You can pardon the turkey.

BARTLET: The turkey hasn’t committed a crime.

C.J.:  Sir…

BARTLET: C.J., I have really no judicial jurisdiction over birds.

C.J.:  Yes, I know that, and you know that, but Morton Horn doesn’t know that.

BARTLET: Who’s Morton…?

C.J.:  He’s a high school kid from the turkey place.

BARTLET: He’s in high school and he doesn’t know I can’t pardon his turkey?

C.J.:  That’s what I’m betting.

BARTLET: C.J., if we don’t and I mean completely overhaul public education in this country…

C.J.:  Yes sir, but maybe this is not the best time to…

BARTLET: Where the hell is he?

C.J.:  Right out there.

Bartlet immediately heads for the door, with C.J. following behind him.

As Bartlet and C.J. come out of the Oval Office, we see Donna and Morton by the door of the room near Charlie’s desk. Troy, the turkey, is in front of them.

C.J.:  Morton, this is President Bartlet.

BARTLET: Hey, Morton.

MORTON: Wow.

BARTLET: Well said. Is that the turkey?

DONNA: Yes.

BARTLET: [to the turkey] You’re pardoned.

C.J.:  Sir…

BARTLET: What do you want?

C.J.:  Well, you know…

BARTLET: [to the turkey again] By the power vested in me by the Constitution of the United States,
I hereby pardon you.

MORTON: [pleased] Okay.

BARTLET: No, it’s not okay.

C.J.:  Sir…

BARTLET: Morton, I can’t pardon a turkey. If you think I can pardon a turkey, then you have got to go back to your school and insist that you be better prepared to go out in the world.

DONNA: You can’t pardon a turkey?

BARTLET: [beat] No. I tell you what I can do. I’m drafting this turkey into military service. In the meantime, somebody will be drafting a check, which will have my signature on it, so the folks can buy themselves a Butterball.

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Live it out loud…

November 13, 2008 at 11:30 am · Filed under aches & pains, Chicago, debt, exercise, family, life, motivation, self esteem, volunteering, weight

OK.. brain dump about to commence:

I’ve had 2 sessions with PJ.  Last week was my first and I felt good afterwards and confident I’d be able to complete my ‘homework’, which was to make sure I got to the gym twice during the week to do cardio. 

I failed my homework by not going at all.

I don’t know if it was my failed homework, or if she was just trying to push more or what, but last night.  Holy Jesus did she kick my ass.  The first thing she did was get a stair-stepper, put it to it’s highest setting and then put 2 30lb weights on it.  I laughed a little as she walked over with the weights because I half-expected she was going to make me do something with them, but no.  She put the stair-stepper with the weights atop it parallel to a column.  She then got one of those little stretchy exercise bands, put it around the column and said, “Ok, use these for stability and do your squats – your butt should barely touch the weights.”  I had to do 15 of these.

Then there were other exercises, and 15 more squats.

More exercises, and another 15 more squats.

Two different exercises and just when I thought I was done she had me do 15 more squats.

In case you lost count?  60 squats.  “See, if I had told you at the start of the hour you’d be doing 60 squats you would have run away.”  She’s totally right.

Anyhow, I’m super amped up today and hope it lasts throughout the day so that I go home, toss on my gym clothes, and go do my cardio tonight.  My legs don’t hurt so much today, but I know they will tomorrow – and I REALLY won’t want to go tomorrow.

——————–

I had to bail on Morrie this Monday because I had had a headache that had gone on for over a week and decided to go to the doctor to make sure something serious wasn’t going on.  The doctor attributed it to girly matters and when I asked why I’d suddenly get splitting headaches when that was never a side-effect before she said, “welcome to your thirties.”  Ugh. 

Anyhow, it was good that I went because I found out a test I had earlier this year was abnormal and I was supposed to go in for a follow-up in 6 months.  Turns out that 6 months is THIS month, so I’ve got another dr’s appointment next Monday.  Here’s hoping all goes well with that and the abnormal test result was a fluke.

But, going back to Morrie, I’m going to go visit him tomorrow night after work.  He’s a pleasure to talk to and have I mentioned he’s an amazing painter? 

This weekend is also the Chicken Luncheon for the hospital group I’m volunteering for (how I met Morrie).  Andi is going to come along with me and we’re going to talk with seniors, wrap gifts for the holidays, and…I’m not sure what else but it should be fun!

—————-

I took a tele-class earlier this week about finding my inner “Greatness”.  I was a little indifferent about the class at first, but I’m rethinking some of the lessons we did during the class and finding out different things about myself that I wasn’t hyper-aware of.  The best thing I got from it was an assignment (I seem to get alot of those lately) to ask people who are near and dear to me to name a couple of things that make me “great” in their eyes.  Sure, it sounds like fishing for compliments, and maybe it is a little bit, but honestly? It was EXACTLY what I needed.  Amazingly enough, the best response from the emails I sent out came from my own mother.  I know deep down she loves me, but we’re not a verbal family when it comes to positive topics.  It’s nice to know that she doesn’t think some of the choices I’ve made are awful, which is what I thought she saw.

—————-

Operation Grow the Heck Up is about to commence.  This is the title of my budgeting plan and my attempt to get my credit back on track.  Rent is officially caught up (and even paid early for November), and I will be starting on the other cards officially at the start of the new year – but doing some small steps now in prep for it, such as making sure my utilities are caught up and I have groceries in the house and in general just having a better understanding of where my money is going.  I opened a second bank account and will set aside a set amount per paycheck as my “play” money.  I’ll use this for when I want yarn, or a concert ticket, or to go have drinks/dinner with friends.  The main account will simply be used to pay off bills and nothing more.  I’m literally going to freeze the checkcard (as in, put it in the freezer in a block of ice) and write checks for groceries and bills.

—————-

Lastly, I got a thank you card from the ex’s dad last night.  I had sent a sympathy card when I found out ex’s Grandma had passed away.  She had made the trek out to Chicago a couple years ago for my graduation and she always seemed pleased to see me when we’d visit CT.  His card to me was short and sweet, but very loving.  I miss that family so very much… I wish breaking up with one person didn’t mean you lost other people in the fray as well, but I can’t dwell on it too much.  I know how they feel about me, and they know how I feel about them.  The fact that my ex is out of the picture doesn’t change that.

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Oh GOD what did I do?

October 29, 2008 at 1:52 pm · Filed under aches & pains, exercise, Maui Marathon, motivation, Running, weight

I called my gym to see if I could set up an appointment with a personal trainer (I may have mentioned this a few times now) and I got an email response yesterday from a person named “PJ”.  I didn’t know if this person was a man or a woman and honestly I wasn’t sure what I was holding out for.   My gym is a little posh so I think it will be humiliating on SOME level no matter who it is – be it a hot guy or a hot girl.

Anyhow, PJ (which totally needs a creative acronym for something sadistic – seriously… it might mean the difference between me getting through this and me NOT getting through this.  I beg of you to comment with something clever!), sent an email asking what my goals were and what I hoped to get out of personal training.   I wanted to be up front and honest without flat out telling how much I weigh, because once PJ sees me in person I’m sure the first thing I’ll have to do is get on a scale.  I sent this in response:

My goals/reasons for hiring a personal trainer:
 
1. I do better with appointments.  I’ve had my membership at **** for nearly a year now and I could count maybe on one hand how many times I’ve been.  It’s quite an expensive donation, if you ask me.  I’d like to have it feel less like a donation and more like something I could actually enjoy paying for!
 
2. Weight Loss – I’ve got a family photo coming up next month and I’m DREADING it.  I know there isn’t much that can happen in a month, but if I’m at least on the PATH to where I used to be, that would be excellent.
 
3. I have some knee issues – the only way I can really describe it is they sound crunchy.  One doctor told me I simply needed to lose weight, another wanted me to get x-rays (and I’ll be honest, I haven’t done either!)
 
4. Ultimately, I want to be healthy enough to run a marathon before I turn 35.  I’ll be 31 in February.

Well, PJ just called me back.

PJ is a woman.

PJ sounds like a very perky woman.

I imagine the face I made when I heard her voice was similar to one Jen Lancaster might have made when she set up her first appointment with her trainer, Barbie.

I’m afraid.  Very, very afraid.

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Just keep swimming.. swimming.. swimming..

August 20, 2008 at 1:37 pm · Filed under aches & pains, Chicago, dating, exercise, life, Maui Marathon, motivation, swimming, weight

Folks, I did the unthinkable: I gave the link to my blog to someone I’m sort-of seeing in an undefined, yet somewhat exclusive sort of way.  In other words: it’s complicated but I’m happy.  He has a nickname that my friends have heard stories from, but I’ve actually started to call him by his real first name which is a rather big step for me. And we’ll leave it at that.

Anyhow, I mention that because in doing so it sort of forced me to go back and reread some of my older stuff on here to see what kind of picture I might be painting out there to the general masses.   Later posts bitch of lack of romance, family crap, and general everyday fluff.  Earlier posts have this gung-ho, I am woman – hear me roar attitude towards running a marathon that I had all but forgotten about.

Last week I watched the women’s marathon in the Olympics and became somewhat inspired again.  I still have knee issues though, so I decided on Saturday morning to take different inspiration from Michael Phelps and go to the gym for a swim.   I mean, any movement at this point is an improvement- especially since I only have 5 months left of a 12 month membership to a gym that I have been to only a handful of times?  It was time to go. 

So I stopped at my local Walgreens and got some goggles.  I figured, hey… if I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna LOOK like I know what I’m doing, right?  (I refuse to do a swimcap though… I just can’t bring myself to wear one.) I went in the gym and first tried the pool on the roof.  After peering through the window and seeing all around the pool were trixie-looking  girls I decided instead to go to the pool in the basement.   The 3 lanes were full, but there was one girl in the middle lane who offered to share with me.  I thanked her and sat at her lane with my feet in the water at the edge of the deep end of the pool as I adjusted the strap on my new goggles. 

Goggle-strap good to go, I hop in the water.  I forget an important thing as I do this: Gravity.  I wasn’t in the 3′ end of the pool so of course my fat ass immediately gets sucked under water and therefore I end up taking a breath juuuust as my nose hits the water.  You know that lovely feeling where you’ve got water up your nose and you wish someone could invent a blowdryer for your lungs?  That’s about where I was.  I somehow managed to come up for real air, sans water, and not look or sound like a dead seal with my coughing. 

Michael Phelps I most certainly am not.

I still managed to keep myself moving in the water for a full 20 minutes.  I didn’t swim laps the entire time – I did spend part of the time just simply treading water, but again: it was movement and it was good.

Sunday I moved furniture, did not go to the gym.

Monday was the day I shared my blog and got the inspiration and remembered that someone had told me, “You just have to get out there – once you’re there you can choose not to move if you don’t want to,” and therefore went to the gym anyhow.  I didn’t swim for a full 20 minutes, it was about 15 this time, but I did get in a few good laps and capped it all off with 5 minutes in the whirlpool. 

Since I have plans for the next 3 evenings I am planning to hit the water aerobics class on Saturday morning if for no other reason than to get some ideas on other exercises I can do in the pool.  I found some online, but I think some in-person instruction might be the better way to go.  Who knows, maybe I’ll even find a swimming buddy to encourage me to go to the gym more often.

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Go East, Young Girl.

June 16, 2008 at 8:37 am · Filed under aches & pains, Alzheimer's, anxiety, family, life, love, nostalgia, travel

I’m on a plane this afternoon to Massachusetts.  My Great Aunt passed away on Saturday morning.

I spent a good portion of the weekend on the phone crying to my mom for various reasons…  losing my Aunt, going through this “alone” (or without a boyfriend)… Not having the friends I thought I could lean on when this happened available…

I’m mourning the loss of my Great Aunt, but there’s more to my sadness than that.  I’ve got to pin-point what it is because I do not want to feel like this anymore. 

 

My “job” at the funeral will be to put the crucifix on the coffin in the church – I fear I’m going to drop it, or trip over my own feet when I walk up there.  My second cousin also asked if I wanted to say a few words at the service itself, but I’m not sure how to explain what my Great Aunt gave to me other than to say that I hope to lead half the life she did.   I hope some of her independence and fearless nature is tucked away inside of me and ready to come out. 

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Grrr….

June 13, 2008 at 1:12 pm · Filed under aches & pains, anxiety, dating, daydreaming, family, life, love, meditation, motivation, music, rants, vague, worry

To say that I’ve been in a mood lately would be the understatement of the year.  I keep trying to remind myself of this lovely lyric:

All the people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside

Said lyrics, The Heart of the Matter (Don Henley).  Admittedly I’ve been listening to the version by India Arie from the Sex and the City soundtrack.

Anyhow, anger eating me up inside – this is how I’ve really been over the past week or so.  Not entirely, but for a vast majority of the time I’ve just been so mad and pissed off at the world.  I wish to GOD I could pin this on an awful case of PMS, but it’s not that at all. 

While trying to explain this to a friend I told her that most of the things that were upsetting me were things that have always been – nothing has really changed, I’m not surprised by the actions or reactions of others around me but this week they have just been piercing holes in my brain and nom nom noming away. 

I’m hoping that a good bout of scrubbing and throwing shit around my house will help me get over this pent up frustration and anger.  I’ve made an explicit, step-by-step list of just what I should be doing around my apartment tonight.  Maybe cleaning my home will help me clean out my heart because right now it feels like this:

When really, it should be feeling something like this:

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