Archive for debt

Not bad… not bad..

December 31, 2008 at 8:56 am · Filed under daydreaming, debt, dreams, exercise, family, holidays, interior design, job stuff, knitting, life, love, motivation, travel

I knew I had one of these “resolution” posts floating around… so I checked it to see how I did for 2008.  All in all, not too shabby.  I do remember making a list half-way through the year of things I wanted to do by the end of the year and one of those items was to finish knitting a pair of socks and that SO did not happen.  Oh well.  At least there’s this:

- End the year with less debt.   Well, I can’t say this happened… but I certainly have a better idea of what my debt is – that counts for something, doesn’t it?  I also managed to get my cell phone to stop ringing with debt collector calls by changing my phone number.  heh.

- End the year with less fat.  I haven’t seen PJ since I’ve been back from my trip…  I did weigh myself this morning and I weigh exactly the same as I did last year on the first… does it count that I haven’t GAINED fat?

- End the year with less angst.  Much less angst-y about certain family situations.  Though, I have flown off the handle about relatively calm emails… I guess it means at least I’m not willing to be a doormat anymore.

- End the year with a nest-egg.  I do have one of these, though it might disappear once I have other dental work done in a couple weeks.  UGH.

- End the year with the same job I had at the beginning of the year.  I’d like this to continue through 2009 as well…  I totally enjoy working here and want to stay on for a while longer!!

- End the year having seen my paternal family.  Been there, done that… twice!  It sucks that it was done once for going to a funeral on my maternal side of the family, but… it reminded me how nice and caring they all can be!

 

As for 2009… here we go:

1. I’ll take the NCIDQ and pass it, first try.

2. I’ll end the year with less debt – for real.

3. As mentioned above, I’d like to end 2009 still at the job I’ve started it with.  Retail = never again!

4. I’d like to go to Ireland for a week.

5. I’ll visit my mother.

6. I’ll get my weight back under ___ lbs.

7. I’ll knit a pair of socks.

8. I’ll NOT have “ex-sex”.

9. I’ll upgrade my apartment (as in, get out of the studio… still waiting on word for that 1 bedroom.)

and finally

10. I’ll continue to do things because I want to do them, and not care what other people think or how crazy they seem.

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Live it out loud…

November 13, 2008 at 11:30 am · Filed under Chicago, aches & pains, debt, exercise, family, life, motivation, self esteem, volunteering, weight

OK.. brain dump about to commence:

I’ve had 2 sessions with PJ.  Last week was my first and I felt good afterwards and confident I’d be able to complete my ‘homework’, which was to make sure I got to the gym twice during the week to do cardio. 

I failed my homework by not going at all.

I don’t know if it was my failed homework, or if she was just trying to push more or what, but last night.  Holy Jesus did she kick my ass.  The first thing she did was get a stair-stepper, put it to it’s highest setting and then put 2 30lb weights on it.  I laughed a little as she walked over with the weights because I half-expected she was going to make me do something with them, but no.  She put the stair-stepper with the weights atop it parallel to a column.  She then got one of those little stretchy exercise bands, put it around the column and said, “Ok, use these for stability and do your squats – your butt should barely touch the weights.”  I had to do 15 of these.

Then there were other exercises, and 15 more squats.

More exercises, and another 15 more squats.

Two different exercises and just when I thought I was done she had me do 15 more squats.

In case you lost count?  60 squats.  “See, if I had told you at the start of the hour you’d be doing 60 squats you would have run away.”  She’s totally right.

Anyhow, I’m super amped up today and hope it lasts throughout the day so that I go home, toss on my gym clothes, and go do my cardio tonight.  My legs don’t hurt so much today, but I know they will tomorrow – and I REALLY won’t want to go tomorrow.

——————–

I had to bail on Morrie this Monday because I had had a headache that had gone on for over a week and decided to go to the doctor to make sure something serious wasn’t going on.  The doctor attributed it to girly matters and when I asked why I’d suddenly get splitting headaches when that was never a side-effect before she said, “welcome to your thirties.”  Ugh. 

Anyhow, it was good that I went because I found out a test I had earlier this year was abnormal and I was supposed to go in for a follow-up in 6 months.  Turns out that 6 months is THIS month, so I’ve got another dr’s appointment next Monday.  Here’s hoping all goes well with that and the abnormal test result was a fluke.

But, going back to Morrie, I’m going to go visit him tomorrow night after work.  He’s a pleasure to talk to and have I mentioned he’s an amazing painter? 

This weekend is also the Chicken Luncheon for the hospital group I’m volunteering for (how I met Morrie).  Andi is going to come along with me and we’re going to talk with seniors, wrap gifts for the holidays, and…I’m not sure what else but it should be fun!

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I took a tele-class earlier this week about finding my inner “Greatness”.  I was a little indifferent about the class at first, but I’m rethinking some of the lessons we did during the class and finding out different things about myself that I wasn’t hyper-aware of.  The best thing I got from it was an assignment (I seem to get alot of those lately) to ask people who are near and dear to me to name a couple of things that make me “great” in their eyes.  Sure, it sounds like fishing for compliments, and maybe it is a little bit, but honestly? It was EXACTLY what I needed.  Amazingly enough, the best response from the emails I sent out came from my own mother.  I know deep down she loves me, but we’re not a verbal family when it comes to positive topics.  It’s nice to know that she doesn’t think some of the choices I’ve made are awful, which is what I thought she saw.

—————-

Operation Grow the Heck Up is about to commence.  This is the title of my budgeting plan and my attempt to get my credit back on track.  Rent is officially caught up (and even paid early for November), and I will be starting on the other cards officially at the start of the new year – but doing some small steps now in prep for it, such as making sure my utilities are caught up and I have groceries in the house and in general just having a better understanding of where my money is going.  I opened a second bank account and will set aside a set amount per paycheck as my “play” money.  I’ll use this for when I want yarn, or a concert ticket, or to go have drinks/dinner with friends.  The main account will simply be used to pay off bills and nothing more.  I’m literally going to freeze the checkcard (as in, put it in the freezer in a block of ice) and write checks for groceries and bills.

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Lastly, I got a thank you card from the ex’s dad last night.  I had sent a sympathy card when I found out ex’s Grandma had passed away.  She had made the trek out to Chicago a couple years ago for my graduation and she always seemed pleased to see me when we’d visit CT.  His card to me was short and sweet, but very loving.  I miss that family so very much… I wish breaking up with one person didn’t mean you lost other people in the fray as well, but I can’t dwell on it too much.  I know how they feel about me, and they know how I feel about them.  The fact that my ex is out of the picture doesn’t change that.

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The kindness of strangers…

August 27, 2008 at 10:17 am · Filed under Chicago, debt, juju

There are technically 2 RSG’s these days – there’s my usual guy I rideshare with, and then on Tuesdays and Thursdays they switch off who drives.  I pay accordingly.

My regular RSG called this morning saying he wasn’t feeling well.  He said he might show up later on, but in the meantime he was going to see if the other RSG could pick me up.   I told him not to worry about it, I’d give him a call myself and told him to feel better. 

2nd RSG doesn’t answer when I call, but replies to my text saying, “Sorry, but I’m not going into work either.”  Suddenly I’m wondering how I should get to work.  The train is going to leave downtown in a little over a half-hour, so if I hauled ass I could throw on some clothes, pull my hair in some sort of messy ponytail and hop in a cab – which is exactly what I did.

I flagged the first cab I saw and asked first if he’d take a card, which he said he would.  (All Chicago cabbies are supposedto take cards, but get one in a pissy mood and it doesn’t happen.)  Anyhow, I say, “I’m running late and I have a train leaving Union Station at 6:30 – on your mark, get set, go please.”  He laughed and took off.  He asked a couple times if the route he was taking was ok with me and I said it was great (Most times I’m really appreciative when they ask which way I want to go – sometimes I just have no idea where I’m going, nor do I care which way they go.)

Anyhow, I arrive at the train station and I give him my card, he swipes it, it prints a prelim receipt.  He punches in the tip and sends the transaction to the base (or at least that’s what the meter said).  Shortly thereafter the meter said a word I hate: DECLINED. 

Now, it’s no joke I’m almost always low on cash, but I KNEW I had money in my account.  I ask if he can swipe the card again but he says, “You know what.. here’s my address.. go catch your train and MAIL ME YOUR FARE.”

??

Seriously? A Chicago cab driver is just going to let me go without paying a fare and go on good faith that I’ll pay him back?  This is unheard of!  I have friends who have had problems with their card before and the cab driver literally made her sit there while he called the cops on her.  This guy was letting me go.   I nearly said, “God bless you,” as I was leaving the cab, but didn’t. 

I did, however, immediately buy a thank you card, place a 20$ bill inside it (the fare was $12), and mail it to the address he gave me. 

The rest of my morning may have been shit, but this cabbie… he made my day.

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I have a dream, a song to sing…

July 23, 2008 at 8:12 am · Filed under Maui Marathon, dating, daydreaming, debt, dreams, exercise, job stuff, knitting, life, love, motivation, travel, weight

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually sat down and figured out what it is I want to do with my life because for the most part, I like to think I’m living it.  A few minor (maybe major) changes to be made, which is why I think it’s time to come up with a couple of lists. 

Short-term goals (before year’s end)
1. To be at a weight that doesn’t start with the number 2.
2. To come up with a plan for managing my debt (be it actually filing for bankruptcy or paying one card off at a time) AND STICKING TO IT.
3. This sounds trivial to some, but I want to finish knitting a pair of socks for once!

Long-term goals (before I turn 35)
1. Pass the NCIDQ so I can “officially” be a “Designer”.
2. Run and/or walk the Maui Marathon.
3. Visit Ireland (specifically for the Aran Islands).
4. Visit Spain (specifically to see this Calatrava building).

The major one I’d like to throw into the mix, which is out of my control, is to fall in love and eventually marry.  It makes me a little sad when I actually think I may end up being a woman who never bears a child, but then I remind myself that things happen for a reason and let’s face it – I haven’t run into anyone who would have been good father material in the past.

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I have a confession to make…

April 28, 2008 at 8:27 pm · Filed under dating, debt, job stuff, life, love, motivation, nostalgia, self esteem

I changed my cell phone number today for 2 reasons:

#1: I’m tired of 80% of my calls being from bill collectors.  I’ve got the intentions to pay them back, I just don’t have the funds for it right now.  If I hadn’t of had the Florida trip, I’d actually be paying my May rent on May first, but alas, it will be April rent.

#2: Even though it’s been close to 2 years since his number has been programmed in my phone, I still remember my ex’s phone number because it was only one digit off from mine.  This, in combination with letting the ghost of our relationship haunt me all weekend in Florida, lead me to an instance of drunken texting (to which, thankfully, there was no reply.)

Here’s the thing, and I’ve probably said this before: My ex gave me the greatest gift he ever could have – my education.  Without his support I wouldn’t have been able to go to school full time and only work part-time.  The start of my career path?  Yeah… he helped guide the way.  But here’s the thing: I cannot allow him to infect my thoughts the way he does any longer.  I do not OWE him for what he gave me.  The things he did to me, and the things he took from me emotionally?  Payment.  In full.  Cross that debt off my list.

The career is mine.  The path might have been started by him, but it’s mine to pave.   The further away I can move from him and his ghost, the better the walk – hell, maybe even the RUN down this path might be.

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You have nothing to lose…

April 1, 2008 at 9:33 am · Filed under Chicago, debt, interior design, life, motivation, nostalgia, self esteem, turning 30

There was a series of graffiti floating around Chicago a couple years ago with messages similar to the one above.  Simple little notes to remind you that things aren’t always as bad as they could be; notes to keep you motivated to better yourself.

It’s nearly spring, which is when I wax nostalgia about things I could have done differently and would like to vow to make better for the future.   Finding that photo in the midst of the rest of my flickr photos couldn’t have just been by accident – it could be that I need to stop worrying and grow the fuck up when it comes to certain things.

And so, I’m making a decision I hope to not regret:  I’m going to stay in my apartment for another year.  I’m going to get over the mindset that I need a wall, another room, more space for more junk.  I’m going to make the most of my place and I’m going to start with a coat of paint on a wall.  (maybe 2-3 coats of paint, if I do the color I’m thinking…) I’m going to save my pennies and get some real furniture and not cheap, must-have-a-sofa-because-it-makes-sense-for-the-ex-to-have-the-fancier-one, items off craigslist.  I’ll take down the clock that doesn’t work and replace it with some sort of art that is worthy of taking up a large chunk of wall.  I’ll get curtains.

I won’t do this all at once, of course… baby steps.  But, I will make this place more livable for myself and my kids (cats). 

There’s more to this whole rebirth thing than being more organized and making my place look pretty, but I’ve got to work out the kinks of the finances before I start talking about that. 

The whole point is, I HAVE nothing to lose – but everything to gain.

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My wisdom: it hurts.

February 26, 2008 at 9:22 am · Filed under aches & pains, debt, job stuff, life, stupid

Something tells me the first thing I’m going to have to do when I get my health insurance is to get a wisdom tooth out. 

I’ve had my bottom two removed, and subsequently, ended up with dry socket.  I’ve heard that it’s less common to have dry socket when having the uppers removed, but I’m still not looking forward to it.  I was told that it looked like my uppers weren’t going to be a problem, so I should just keep them in unless they DID become a problem. 

 Guess what?  That pain shooting down the right side of my face?  It’s a problem.

Anyone want to play nurse to me when I have this done?  Also, does anyone want to foot the bill for the remainder that insurance won’t pay for?

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She’s got the look.

February 13, 2008 at 8:36 am · Filed under Chicago, anxiety, dating, debt, ipod, self esteem, stupid

Yesterday morning, it was nearing 6:00am and I knew that even if my bus showed up right then, I would miss my train downtown – so I hopped a cab. 

My guiltiest pleasure is taking cab rides…  It’s the worst thing I can do in my financial situation, but when something like… oh, I don’t know… being late to work comes into play, I feel I’m justified in hailing a cab.

Anyhow, this cab driver immediately tells me if I had a boyfriend I could just have him take me to work.  I ask him, “What makes you think I don’t have a boyfriend?” and he says, “You just have a look about you.”

A look? Did I get a tattoo I don’t remember that says I’m Single across my forehead?  Is it because I don’t usually bother with makeup until I’m on the train?  Do my multiple layers to stay warm because it was in the single digits reveal that under it all I haven’t bothered to shave my legs? 

So this cab driver keeps asking me for my phone number and I keep telling him no.  My problem in situations like this is I am simply too honest.  He asks, “You live up there?” (Up there being the neighborhood he picked me up in..)  I say, “Yes.”  I could have said, “Actually, I was at my boyfriend’s house.” or “No, this is where I change buses.” But no.  My overactive imagination then realizes this man is holding my credit card (another reason I should always keep a 20 on me at all times) and now he has my last name and knows my neighborhood. 

So that was yesterday morning… And thinking about this little incident where the cab driver from Jordan (I like finding out where their accents are from), I’m silently cursing myself that I can’t be as forthcoming and honest with someone that I actually DO find attractive – because he’s my train conductor!  Just before my stop, we’re mere feet away from each other and I saw him smile at me and I smiled back, but did not want to be giving off “the look” – whatever that is – to appear desperate.  But oh man… These days it doesn’t take much for me to have a crush on someone, but this guy is cuter than most of the other men in uniform I see each morning.  And for what it’s worth, he sounds like he’s from the Midwest – and does not have a ring on his finger. 

Why can’t I say more than hello to him?  Why do I just sit there with my iPod on (well, the headphones on.. the music was paused) hoping he’ll talk to me?

When did I become so inept at human interaction with the opposite sex?

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Trulymadlyme stole the best title for this post.

January 23, 2008 at 10:20 am · Filed under Maui Marathon, cape cod, daydreaming, debt, life, nostalgia, travel

Speaking of planning, I’m trying to figure out what to do with my vacation time this year.

The plus side of starting work before January 1 is that sometime in June or July I’ll get 2 weeks vacation that have to be used by the end of the year.  I’m determined to spend one of the holidays with family so that I don’t fall into the pit of depression I never think I will fall into but always do…  But there’s a whole summer…

Now, I should be planning Maui 2008.  Over a year ago I said I wanted to run a marathon before I turned 30 and failed.  Then I said I wanted to run a marathon while I was 30, and I’m already planning on failing that one.  It’s not that I don’t want to run a marathon, or that I’ve given up on the dream of it… It just doesn’t feel right this time.  It felt right when I was planning it last year.  Therefore I’m putting it on record that my marathon plans are officially on hold.

My idea right now is a trip to New England.  Not just New England to see family, but a trip to Cape Cod.  I have never, in all my 30 years, set foot on The Cape.  Hell, it wasn’t until 6 years ago that I actually explored Boston.  When you grow up in Massachusetts and move away when you’re young, your visits back to the state involve (as they should) visiting family as priority #1.  So, I figure if I give myself a week to spend over yonder coast, I can spend half the time with the family, and the other half exploring bits I have yet to see. 

I don’t know how possible it is, but I want to go to the very very tip of The Cape. 

 

See that bit right there that points to Provincetown Harbor?  Right there.  I imagine this will involve a very long walk, but… hey, this is good in lieu of a marathon, right? :)   I wonder if I’d still have cell service out there?

I also think I’ll take a drive through my old stomping grounds in Rhode Island so I can catch up with my friends I’ve recently found again thanks to Myspace.  Lucky for me the states up there are small, so even though I’m planning on going to lots of places in my week, it’s completely do-able. 

Of course, this is all contingent on getting caught up on rent and making some progress with these silly credit cards that are haunting me.  Someday, I will have good credit once again.

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A fresh start.

December 27, 2007 at 2:15 pm · Filed under Maui Marathon, debt, job stuff, life, motivation, weight

Last year around this time, I was hanging around with K-rad quite a bit and he had come up with a plan to make 2007 “The Year of K”.  I had my own plans for making 2007 “The Year of A”, but it didn’t quite work out like I had hoped. 

So, I’m starting fresh.  2008 is going to be a good year for me – 2 and 8 are numbers I tend to like (weird, but my birthday falls on the 28th, so I think it has something to do with it), and I’ll turn 30 in a couple of months (2 months, 1 day – to be precise.)  I have no doubt I can, at this time next year, look back on 2008 with nothing but fondness.  Here’s some of my plan to do just that:

- End the year with less debt.  I was supposed to be out of crazy debt by the time I turned 30, but the past year has left me in a bit of dire straits.  I will get a couple of credit cards paid off (then subsequently cut up), and the others I will make regular payments on so that my cell phone will ring from people other than bill collectors.

- End the year with less fat.  Right now, as it stands, I’m still planning on Maui 2008.  It’s debatable if I’ll do the full or half marathon (mostly because I saw people pass out and die at the Chicago marathon), but either way I’m walking a whole bunch in Hawaii in September so therefore I need to train, which means I need to get off my ass and get into a gym. 

- End the year with less angst.  It’s been said that certain members of my family are “dirty fighters” where as I tend to just be the one who gets to sit back and take the punches.  Unfortunately, this leaves me with some pent-up anger that sits for days on end because I can’t stop obsessing about whatever it was that came up.  I’m going to make a point of saying what I feel, when I feel it.  I don’t want to become a dirty fighter, but I also don’t want to play doormat any longer.

- End the year with a nest-egg.  This goes back to the less debt thing, but having some money socked away for a rainy day (or sudden unemployment) would not be a bad thing.

- End the year with the same job I had at the beginning of the year. The words “Retail” and “unemployment” will not exist in my vocabulary.  (Hopefully this will mean my nest egg can carry into 2009!)

- End the year having seen my paternal family.  I’m looking at times I can get to the East Coast, since I haven’t been there in 2 years now… I’m long overdue for a trip to New England – bring on the Lobstah!

Essentially I want to improve main aspects of my life: health, finances, emotional stability.  These past two years of my 20’s have sucked the life out of me, and now that I have a job I love again there are no more excuses to get things started.  Four more days to lay low then it all starts, right?

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