Archive for job stuff

Everchanging Dreams

May 30, 2010 at 9:09 am · Filed under dreams, job stuff, motivation

When I was a kid and played “pretend” with the girl who lived in the apartment above mine it was always a tug-of-war about who got to be the “lawyer”.  That was the dream job in our scenario and more times than not, I got stuck being her lackey accountant.

As time evolved, the game changed and the best role was “teacher”.  I think I kept this ideology and career dream until I dropped out of high school and realized I couldn’t exactly preach to kids to stay in school when I myself didn’t feel the need to follow it through to the end.

I started college several times and at one point I was on course to become a nurse.  It made sense – I have 2 aunts that are nurses and are very successful at it.  Fate stepped in one semester and on a whim I took a couple of design classes and that was all it took for me to realize this was one dream I did not want to give up on – I wanted to be a designer.

And what I find interesting is that even though I’ve found my field, I’ve gone through many changes as to what I want to ultimately DO with this passion of mine.  As a starter design-student you can’t help but think, “Man… wouldn’t it be fun to be a designer like the people on Trading Spaces” (because this was just hitting its peak when I started school.  Then you find out those people aren’t designers, they are decorators and as snobby as it sounds: there’s a clear difference between the two.

So TV was out, but maybe residential design was the way to go?  I mean, I certainly enjoyed decorating my own apartments – how awesome could I be with an unlimited budget and a condo overlooking Lake Michigan?  Working at a small showroom where it wasn’t unheard of for a dining table to go for 10K made me rethink, “Do I really want to work for people who need to own a dining table that costs as much as my first car did? And really, how often do they even SIT at that dining table?” Residential was out.

For a long time there was a certain design firm that was the goal.  Having their name on my resume would have meant that all the work I did in school would have meant something.  During an unemployment stint back in 2007 I interviewed for an administrative position with that firm – something I was more than qualified to do and though it wasn’t my “dream” to be an admin, I thought it would get my foot in the door.  I did not get the job.

I’ve been at my current job for close to 2.5 years and love it.  Is this the latest version of my “dream”?  Perhaps it is.  Maybe in a few years time I’ll want to take off in a different direction but my point is this:  Dreams change and it’s ok.  I have embraced this when it comes to how I earn my living – it’s the other dreams I have that I find hard to accept how they are changing, but that’s a whole other story.

Leave a Comment

This is the fist day, of my last days.

March 3, 2009 at 9:39 am · Filed under interior design, job stuff

There is so much more going on, but right now, this is the happiest little nugget I want to share with everyone:

Mailing off the supporting documents to take this test is the first step to justifying my years of school and work.

This year is going to be crazy with studying, but come October, after I pass all 3 sections on the first try (because I HAVE to), I can officially call myself an Interior Designer.

And THAT, my friends, will ROCK.

Comments (1)

Inspired

February 5, 2009 at 7:12 am · Filed under interior design, job stuff, motivation

I recently added my thesis professor to my flickr contacts.  Going through his personal sketches and photos of student work and his own design projects has reminded me of that high that I got in design school.  The thrill of having a blank canvas, no budget, and sheer creativity on my side.

With everything potentially falling apart at work, I think I needed this boost of inspiration.   It makes me want to dig out my thesis and finish it (which, every 6 months or so I say I’m going to do it but come up with a million excuses why I can’t… no time, my computer isn’t strong enough to process the images, etc. etc).  It also makes me that much more confident in making sure I study my ass off for the NCIDQ so I can take it and pass it this year.  

IF by some stroke of bad luck I end up unemployed, it will seem very silly to spend 1500 on a test, but if I wait to take it, I know I’ll regret the decision.  I have to take this test as soon as the opportunity arises, and, as of next Monday, the biggest requirement – 3520 working hours – will have been met.   A couple forms later and I’ll have all I need to get going.

I CAN do this.  I WILL do this. 

I’m inspired.

Leave a Comment

Not bad… not bad..

December 31, 2008 at 8:56 am · Filed under daydreaming, debt, dreams, exercise, family, holidays, interior design, job stuff, knitting, life, love, motivation, travel

I knew I had one of these “resolution” posts floating around… so I checked it to see how I did for 2008.  All in all, not too shabby.  I do remember making a list half-way through the year of things I wanted to do by the end of the year and one of those items was to finish knitting a pair of socks and that SO did not happen.  Oh well.  At least there’s this:

- End the year with less debt.   Well, I can’t say this happened… but I certainly have a better idea of what my debt is – that counts for something, doesn’t it?  I also managed to get my cell phone to stop ringing with debt collector calls by changing my phone number.  heh.

- End the year with less fat.  I haven’t seen PJ since I’ve been back from my trip…  I did weigh myself this morning and I weigh exactly the same as I did last year on the first… does it count that I haven’t GAINED fat?

- End the year with less angst.  Much less angst-y about certain family situations.  Though, I have flown off the handle about relatively calm emails… I guess it means at least I’m not willing to be a doormat anymore.

- End the year with a nest-egg.  I do have one of these, though it might disappear once I have other dental work done in a couple weeks.  UGH.

- End the year with the same job I had at the beginning of the year.  I’d like this to continue through 2009 as well…  I totally enjoy working here and want to stay on for a while longer!!

- End the year having seen my paternal family.  Been there, done that… twice!  It sucks that it was done once for going to a funeral on my maternal side of the family, but… it reminded me how nice and caring they all can be!

 

As for 2009… here we go:

1. I’ll take the NCIDQ and pass it, first try.

2. I’ll end the year with less debt – for real.

3. As mentioned above, I’d like to end 2009 still at the job I’ve started it with.  Retail = never again!

4. I’d like to go to Ireland for a week.

5. I’ll visit my mother.

6. I’ll get my weight back under ___ lbs.

7. I’ll knit a pair of socks.

8. I’ll NOT have “ex-sex”.

9. I’ll upgrade my apartment (as in, get out of the studio… still waiting on word for that 1 bedroom.)

and finally

10. I’ll continue to do things because I want to do them, and not care what other people think or how crazy they seem.

Leave a Comment

giggle *snort*

September 24, 2008 at 10:39 am · Filed under job stuff, life, love

I love moments where I laugh so hard it hurts, or I cry, or I snort.

This latest one came as I was minding my own business, plugging away in AutoCAD when all of a sudden a stress ball came bouncing off my overhead bin and onto my desk.  I let out a, “Jesus Christ!” and then proceeded to start laughing.  I walked over to my coworker who heard me and was laughing just as hard herself.   When she caught her breath she asked if I got her email… I said, “Uhm… no..”  and giggled my way back to my desk.

When I got back to my desk I saw the email – “Subject:HEADS UP!!!!!!!!”

teehee!

Leave a Comment

A lot can happen in a week

September 15, 2008 at 12:07 pm · Filed under Alzheimer's, anxiety, Chicago, dating, daydreaming, family, job stuff, Josh, knitting, life, love, motivation, nostalgia, pisces, self esteem, travel, weight

I looked at the calendar today and noticed there is exactly one week left of summer.  I noticed some of the trees were starting to change colors last week, and the weather is certainly cooler – I just, for some reason, am not ready for the official declaration of it being autumn and no longer being summer – or maybe I am.

I think much of it has to do with this spring/summer being one of the best since I moved to the city – remember last year when I was almost wishing not to have a job so I could take advantage of all Chicago had to offer int he summer and then I did lose my job and it sucked?  Well, this year has proved that I can in fact have my cake (job) and eat all the good Chicago-ness too!  Let’s take a look at what good times were had, shall we?

In April I got to go to Florida for the first time in 4 years.  I spent time with Ginny, went downtown.  I spent time with Josh, went to the beach.  I drove down A1A through Cape Canaveral and saw the house my mom and I rented once upon a time on the beach.

In May I met Jen Lancaster at a book signing (ok, “met” is a strong word…  I got my picture taken with her (said photo will be used as a good ‘before’ photo when I lose a bunch of weight)).  Andi graduated and had a birthday which meant dinner with her family and drinks with the gals from knitting group.  We also met Jemaine and Bret after the Flight of the Conchords show (2 more pics also for the before book) and I won tickets to see KT Tunstall – again.  Beth had a birthday at the end of the month and she and I had AWESOME seats to Avenue Q!  We chugged champagne before walking in the theater to see naked puppets.  Our knitting group also had the first of the BBQ’s at Beth’s place on Memorial Day.

June had some mixed feelings, but from the bad came some good.  Elizabeth had a birthday bowling party which was pretty darn fun and a few days later I got my first and only spinning lesson (spinning as in spinning yarn).  I was in a “mood” when I was with the girls, and 2 days later my mood worsened when my great aunt passed.  The good of her passing was that she did not suffer and I’m sure she’s happy to be reunited with her husband.  I also got to go see my family back east and though it was rough circumstances, it was still very good to see them.  Playing cards with my aunt, uncle and cousin still sticks out in my mind as one of the more fond memories of the week.  Neocon was also this month and despite ending a friendship after having the liquid courage of free martini’s, the martini’s were still a plus for the month!

In July we had our second BBQ at Beth’s for the 4th and then Chicago Summer Dance started.  Adrienne and I spent quite a few weekends down in Grant Park learning how to do various dances.  One of the better nights of dancing also involved us catching the fireworks from Venetian Night and ending up at the Intercontinental Hotel where we had the best Creme Brulee ever.   Jody and I took a Monday off from our respective jobs and went to Hurricane Harbor at Six Flags.  I still give her a little grief for not braving any of the slides with me, but we still had a great day on the Lazy River and the wave pool. 

August started with Lollapalooza.  I still say I’m unsure if I’ll go again next year, but I’m sure come April ’09 I’ll be buying a ticket for it anyhow.  Just before Lolla, I met Matt, which brought along some interesting dates/hanging out times throughout the month.  Even though he’s lived in/around the city all his life, we’ve still managed to go to places that are new to both of us.  We attempted to watch Blues Brothers during the movies in Grant Park, but we got rained out!  Boo!  I also fufilled a 4-year wish to be in a sailboat on Lake Michigan during August!  Next year I want to see if I can get in with a crew and learn how to SAIL the boat – riding is one thing, but the whole process of throwing the sale up and steering just looks like so much fun!

And this month.. Well, I went back to Florida and instead of running around to see EVERYONE I hadn’t seen in 4 years I instead planned on seeing only Ginny and Josh.  I was lucky to see Kristin too, and to go to Cassadaga to get a reading.  I went to the beach again and helped Josh shop for some stuff for his new place.  I treasure tete-a-tete time with Josh – it should happen more often.  I gave blood for the first time in my life last week (and my arm is still sore from it).  Over this past weekend Matt and I shared a 100$ wine flight that included wines from 1960-something and 1908!  This week we’re going to go see Batman on the Imax screen and Wednesday we’re having our first (and perhaps only) flying trapeze lesson.   I’ll be going back on the Points system for real (thanks to Jody joining it too – personal support rocks!) and I think on Friday I’m going to go to a Dar Williams concert on my own. 

And then it’ll be the weekend and Monday it will be fall.  And I’ll be ok with it because, well, that was one hell of a summer… but next year’s will be even better, right?

Leave a Comment

The great unknown.

August 26, 2008 at 9:48 am · Filed under anxiety, Chicago, dating, daydreaming, family, job stuff, life, love, meditation, pisces, questions, travel, vague, worry

“What do you want?”

A simple question with a very complicated answer.  Made even more complicated when you have two different ways you think you want your life to be and the sheer terror of choosing the wrong path leaves you feeling incomplete and uncertain.

In what I am now calling my “therapy sessions” (really they are calls to my bff in Florida), we discussed this whole want business and I came to a couple conclusions:

1. I still have a strong pull to the northeast.  When I do imagine my life in the grandest of senses, I’m living somewhere either in Mass or Rhode Island – but within a couple hours of my paternal family. 

2. This pull makes me feel guilty in a sense that I’m not feeling a pull to move to the northwest to be with my maternal family.  However, I also realize that maybe the reason there isn’t a strong pull is because I am on the phone with my mother on an almost daily basis already and because there is strain with the rest of my family there.  It’s not that I don’t want to resolve said strain, but it’s more like it’s just easier to avoid conflict than throw myself into it, if that makes sense.

3. I don’t know what this pull does to what I should be doing with my so-called love-life here in Chicago.  If I’m not planning to leave the area for another couple years it would make sense not to get involved with someone, but what if it happens?  I mean, it’s super easy to say, “I can’t see you because…”, but could I be turning down experiences I should be having?  What if I move to say, Boston, and I’m miserable and want to come back to Chicago?

4. The big answer to “What do you want?” cannot be put into words right now, mostly because of that dual-path thing.  In the simplest of terms, one path has me married with children, the other path has me working a fabulous career and traveling the world.  It’s not to say there’s not a happy middle, but… one does make the other less likely.

When I said I was seeking clarity and a chance to be introspective on my upcoming trip to Florida, BFF was quick to point out that was exactly what I was looking for last time.  What he doesn’t realize is that I FOUND some clarity during my last trip.  I realized not all men are scum-sucking pigs and there are men out there who are truly faithful.  Hell, if I hadn’t gone to Florida I wouldn’t of had the guts to speak my mind when things needed to be said.  I’d still be sitting here, pretending that it’s ok for me to be walked upon.

Maybe this trip will help me solve the answer to the biggest question on the table – What DO I want??

Comments (1)

I have a dream, a song to sing…

July 23, 2008 at 8:12 am · Filed under dating, daydreaming, debt, dreams, exercise, job stuff, knitting, life, love, Maui Marathon, motivation, travel, weight

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually sat down and figured out what it is I want to do with my life because for the most part, I like to think I’m living it.  A few minor (maybe major) changes to be made, which is why I think it’s time to come up with a couple of lists. 

Short-term goals (before year’s end)
1. To be at a weight that doesn’t start with the number 2.
2. To come up with a plan for managing my debt (be it actually filing for bankruptcy or paying one card off at a time) AND STICKING TO IT.
3. This sounds trivial to some, but I want to finish knitting a pair of socks for once!

Long-term goals (before I turn 35)
1. Pass the NCIDQ so I can “officially” be a “Designer”.
2. Run and/or walk the Maui Marathon.
3. Visit Ireland (specifically for the Aran Islands).
4. Visit Spain (specifically to see this Calatrava building).

The major one I’d like to throw into the mix, which is out of my control, is to fall in love and eventually marry.  It makes me a little sad when I actually think I may end up being a woman who never bears a child, but then I remind myself that things happen for a reason and let’s face it – I haven’t run into anyone who would have been good father material in the past.

Comments (3)

Just say no.

June 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm · Filed under anxiety, Chicago, dating, job stuff, life, questions, rants

I don’t know if I mentioned it here yet, but match.com has sucked me in for another 3 months.  So far I’ve only been out on one date (second with same guy to happen this evening), but I’ve passed a couple emails back and forth with some other guys.

Today, one guy in particular, winked at me (match’s way of saying “hey.. I dig you but I’m not emailing you yet”) and I wrote him a quick little note in return.  He replied back with a rather lengthy email that had me giggling, smiling, and thinking he was really awesome until one teeny, tiny admittance:

What I mean is this: yes, I like a lot of hippie cultural touchstones (the music, the film, the style of dress) and, yes, I smoke weed. Without shame. It should be legal and anyone with half a wit knows it.

Oy.

My ex was a fairly regular smoker of marijuana.  I fought with him pretty hard about it at the beginning, and especially after he got into a little bit of trouble for getting caught with it.  I didn’t want it in my house, I didn’t want to see it, I didn’t want him smoking it.  It was a major source of many, many fights.

He had all but stopped when we moved up here and then we met the Muffin Lady.  And then, after she was arrested, smoking just came naturally again.

Now I don’t want to turn this into a post about him so here’s the bit about me: I hate pot.  I’ve tried it twice (well, I did muffins twice… I tried smoking it once or twice in Florida to no avail) and both times I felt like I was going to die.  I mean, serious bout of panic set in the first time that no amount of food or anything could cure.  I could feel every heart beat and I just felt ill.  I could not understand why people would willingly do this to themselves – on a regular basis.

But I have no real reason to hate it… it’s not like I don’t have my own vices to get me through the day – I think we all do.  (Mine just happen to be legal, and prescribed by my doctor.)  I also don’t want anything to do with pot or being around it because my work does drug testing.  I don’t know if they’d ever spontaneously do a test, but I’m not willing to be at a party where people are smoking and risk my kick-ass job to find out. 

To each their own I suppose, but does it make me a bad person to say that I’ll probably reply to this guy’s email with, “You had me til you said weed”?

Comments (3)

I have a confession to make…

April 28, 2008 at 8:27 pm · Filed under dating, debt, job stuff, life, love, motivation, nostalgia, self esteem

I changed my cell phone number today for 2 reasons:

#1: I’m tired of 80% of my calls being from bill collectors.  I’ve got the intentions to pay them back, I just don’t have the funds for it right now.  If I hadn’t of had the Florida trip, I’d actually be paying my May rent on May first, but alas, it will be April rent.

#2: Even though it’s been close to 2 years since his number has been programmed in my phone, I still remember my ex’s phone number because it was only one digit off from mine.  This, in combination with letting the ghost of our relationship haunt me all weekend in Florida, lead me to an instance of drunken texting (to which, thankfully, there was no reply.)

Here’s the thing, and I’ve probably said this before: My ex gave me the greatest gift he ever could have – my education.  Without his support I wouldn’t have been able to go to school full time and only work part-time.  The start of my career path?  Yeah… he helped guide the way.  But here’s the thing: I cannot allow him to infect my thoughts the way he does any longer.  I do not OWE him for what he gave me.  The things he did to me, and the things he took from me emotionally?  Payment.  In full.  Cross that debt off my list.

The career is mine.  The path might have been started by him, but it’s mine to pave.   The further away I can move from him and his ghost, the better the walk – hell, maybe even the RUN down this path might be.

Comments (3)

Older Posts »
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.