Archive for motivation

You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

August 8, 2010 at 9:59 pm · Filed under aches & pains, anxiety, exercise, motivation

Over the past couple of months I’ve been on a self-improvement mission.  Well, I guess I’m always on a self-improvement mission, but I feel like certain things are finally clicking into place – perhaps that’s a better way to put it.

I think it started with the hypnotherapist.   I had asked my GP what she thought of Hypnosis as a means to combat my anxiety/panic attacks and she was all for it.  My main goal is to not have to medicate it with antidepressants because they make me feel worse.  Not in a panic sense, but I tend to gain weight on them, and the last time I was on them I literally lost the ability to cry.  You would think that would be a good thing, but sometimes you just need a good cry and when that is taken away from you?  It pretty much blows.

Anyhow, to find a hypnotherapist I first saw the acupuncturist who worked in the same office as my GP (because GP didn’t know who to refer me to).  Acupuncture doc gave me the recommendation to see my current hypno-doc and voila!  To be honest, we haven’t really divulged into full-out hypnosis yet.  That should be next week.  We’ve spent several weeks talking about my history and my goals.  She’s way easy to talk to and I feel comfortable with her – which is awesome.

I had also started seeing a chiropractor, but that really started because I was sore after the rear-ended-car-accident thing.  With her she’s been adjusting me using the activator method and I feel better after each visit with her as well. 

A common theme has emerged from my GP, Hypno and Chiro: Yoga.  They all want me to be doing it.  Hell, my former teacher-now-friend has been talking yoga to me for years.  It might be time I actually do something about it.  I hesitate to even say this, because the thought of tossing money out scares me, but… there is a gym really close to my place that has some good reviews and is cheaper than the last one I was at.  I’m thinking about it.  It has Yoga classes pretty much every day, plus other classes that look interesting.  Should I put forth the cash?  I just might.

Stay tuned. :)

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Everchanging Dreams

May 30, 2010 at 9:09 am · Filed under dreams, job stuff, motivation

When I was a kid and played “pretend” with the girl who lived in the apartment above mine it was always a tug-of-war about who got to be the “lawyer”.  That was the dream job in our scenario and more times than not, I got stuck being her lackey accountant.

As time evolved, the game changed and the best role was “teacher”.  I think I kept this ideology and career dream until I dropped out of high school and realized I couldn’t exactly preach to kids to stay in school when I myself didn’t feel the need to follow it through to the end.

I started college several times and at one point I was on course to become a nurse.  It made sense – I have 2 aunts that are nurses and are very successful at it.  Fate stepped in one semester and on a whim I took a couple of design classes and that was all it took for me to realize this was one dream I did not want to give up on – I wanted to be a designer.

And what I find interesting is that even though I’ve found my field, I’ve gone through many changes as to what I want to ultimately DO with this passion of mine.  As a starter design-student you can’t help but think, “Man… wouldn’t it be fun to be a designer like the people on Trading Spaces” (because this was just hitting its peak when I started school.  Then you find out those people aren’t designers, they are decorators and as snobby as it sounds: there’s a clear difference between the two.

So TV was out, but maybe residential design was the way to go?  I mean, I certainly enjoyed decorating my own apartments – how awesome could I be with an unlimited budget and a condo overlooking Lake Michigan?  Working at a small showroom where it wasn’t unheard of for a dining table to go for 10K made me rethink, “Do I really want to work for people who need to own a dining table that costs as much as my first car did? And really, how often do they even SIT at that dining table?” Residential was out.

For a long time there was a certain design firm that was the goal.  Having their name on my resume would have meant that all the work I did in school would have meant something.  During an unemployment stint back in 2007 I interviewed for an administrative position with that firm – something I was more than qualified to do and though it wasn’t my “dream” to be an admin, I thought it would get my foot in the door.  I did not get the job.

I’ve been at my current job for close to 2.5 years and love it.  Is this the latest version of my “dream”?  Perhaps it is.  Maybe in a few years time I’ll want to take off in a different direction but my point is this:  Dreams change and it’s ok.  I have embraced this when it comes to how I earn my living – it’s the other dreams I have that I find hard to accept how they are changing, but that’s a whole other story.

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Inspired

February 5, 2009 at 7:12 am · Filed under interior design, job stuff, motivation

I recently added my thesis professor to my flickr contacts.  Going through his personal sketches and photos of student work and his own design projects has reminded me of that high that I got in design school.  The thrill of having a blank canvas, no budget, and sheer creativity on my side.

With everything potentially falling apart at work, I think I needed this boost of inspiration.   It makes me want to dig out my thesis and finish it (which, every 6 months or so I say I’m going to do it but come up with a million excuses why I can’t… no time, my computer isn’t strong enough to process the images, etc. etc).  It also makes me that much more confident in making sure I study my ass off for the NCIDQ so I can take it and pass it this year.  

IF by some stroke of bad luck I end up unemployed, it will seem very silly to spend 1500 on a test, but if I wait to take it, I know I’ll regret the decision.  I have to take this test as soon as the opportunity arises, and, as of next Monday, the biggest requirement – 3520 working hours – will have been met.   A couple forms later and I’ll have all I need to get going.

I CAN do this.  I WILL do this. 

I’m inspired.

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Oooh blah dee.. Oooh blah dah..

January 5, 2009 at 8:40 am · Filed under Alzheimer's, family, life, motivation

I’m transferring some items from my 2008 day planner into my 2009 day planner and just came across the address to the nursing home my great aunt was staying in.  A sinking feeling in my stomach just hit.

I know it was her time.  I know she wasn’t “her” anymore when she passed.  When I focused on the good things that happened in 2008, I think a great many of those things happened because I knew she was finally free.  Her spirit long left her body before she actually passed on.

And I need to remember the things I’ve learned from her… To dance no matter who is paying attention… To take risks even when people think you’re looney… To laugh as much as possible… To sing, even if it’s off key.

Life goes on… and when I do finally meet up with her again someday I want her to see that I’ve lived my life the best way I knew how.

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Not bad… not bad..

December 31, 2008 at 8:56 am · Filed under daydreaming, debt, dreams, exercise, family, holidays, interior design, job stuff, knitting, life, love, motivation, travel

I knew I had one of these “resolution” posts floating around… so I checked it to see how I did for 2008.  All in all, not too shabby.  I do remember making a list half-way through the year of things I wanted to do by the end of the year and one of those items was to finish knitting a pair of socks and that SO did not happen.  Oh well.  At least there’s this:

- End the year with less debt.   Well, I can’t say this happened… but I certainly have a better idea of what my debt is – that counts for something, doesn’t it?  I also managed to get my cell phone to stop ringing with debt collector calls by changing my phone number.  heh.

- End the year with less fat.  I haven’t seen PJ since I’ve been back from my trip…  I did weigh myself this morning and I weigh exactly the same as I did last year on the first… does it count that I haven’t GAINED fat?

- End the year with less angst.  Much less angst-y about certain family situations.  Though, I have flown off the handle about relatively calm emails… I guess it means at least I’m not willing to be a doormat anymore.

- End the year with a nest-egg.  I do have one of these, though it might disappear once I have other dental work done in a couple weeks.  UGH.

- End the year with the same job I had at the beginning of the year.  I’d like this to continue through 2009 as well…  I totally enjoy working here and want to stay on for a while longer!!

- End the year having seen my paternal family.  Been there, done that… twice!  It sucks that it was done once for going to a funeral on my maternal side of the family, but… it reminded me how nice and caring they all can be!

 

As for 2009… here we go:

1. I’ll take the NCIDQ and pass it, first try.

2. I’ll end the year with less debt – for real.

3. As mentioned above, I’d like to end 2009 still at the job I’ve started it with.  Retail = never again!

4. I’d like to go to Ireland for a week.

5. I’ll visit my mother.

6. I’ll get my weight back under ___ lbs.

7. I’ll knit a pair of socks.

8. I’ll NOT have “ex-sex”.

9. I’ll upgrade my apartment (as in, get out of the studio… still waiting on word for that 1 bedroom.)

and finally

10. I’ll continue to do things because I want to do them, and not care what other people think or how crazy they seem.

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The night is yours alone…

November 23, 2008 at 12:37 am · Filed under life, motivation, self esteem

Not to toot my own horn, but I have a pretty fabulous life.

There are moments though, like one I had tonight, that come out of nowhere, smack me across the face and make me want to curl up and cry.

I’m getting much better at letting that moment sink in for just that – a moment – and moving on.  Dwelling on what I do not have isn’t good for my soul.

So, I’ll focus on staying fabulous and knowing that this life I’m living… it’s all me.

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Live it out loud…

November 13, 2008 at 11:30 am · Filed under aches & pains, Chicago, debt, exercise, family, life, motivation, self esteem, volunteering, weight

OK.. brain dump about to commence:

I’ve had 2 sessions with PJ.  Last week was my first and I felt good afterwards and confident I’d be able to complete my ‘homework’, which was to make sure I got to the gym twice during the week to do cardio. 

I failed my homework by not going at all.

I don’t know if it was my failed homework, or if she was just trying to push more or what, but last night.  Holy Jesus did she kick my ass.  The first thing she did was get a stair-stepper, put it to it’s highest setting and then put 2 30lb weights on it.  I laughed a little as she walked over with the weights because I half-expected she was going to make me do something with them, but no.  She put the stair-stepper with the weights atop it parallel to a column.  She then got one of those little stretchy exercise bands, put it around the column and said, “Ok, use these for stability and do your squats – your butt should barely touch the weights.”  I had to do 15 of these.

Then there were other exercises, and 15 more squats.

More exercises, and another 15 more squats.

Two different exercises and just when I thought I was done she had me do 15 more squats.

In case you lost count?  60 squats.  “See, if I had told you at the start of the hour you’d be doing 60 squats you would have run away.”  She’s totally right.

Anyhow, I’m super amped up today and hope it lasts throughout the day so that I go home, toss on my gym clothes, and go do my cardio tonight.  My legs don’t hurt so much today, but I know they will tomorrow – and I REALLY won’t want to go tomorrow.

——————–

I had to bail on Morrie this Monday because I had had a headache that had gone on for over a week and decided to go to the doctor to make sure something serious wasn’t going on.  The doctor attributed it to girly matters and when I asked why I’d suddenly get splitting headaches when that was never a side-effect before she said, “welcome to your thirties.”  Ugh. 

Anyhow, it was good that I went because I found out a test I had earlier this year was abnormal and I was supposed to go in for a follow-up in 6 months.  Turns out that 6 months is THIS month, so I’ve got another dr’s appointment next Monday.  Here’s hoping all goes well with that and the abnormal test result was a fluke.

But, going back to Morrie, I’m going to go visit him tomorrow night after work.  He’s a pleasure to talk to and have I mentioned he’s an amazing painter? 

This weekend is also the Chicken Luncheon for the hospital group I’m volunteering for (how I met Morrie).  Andi is going to come along with me and we’re going to talk with seniors, wrap gifts for the holidays, and…I’m not sure what else but it should be fun!

—————-

I took a tele-class earlier this week about finding my inner “Greatness”.  I was a little indifferent about the class at first, but I’m rethinking some of the lessons we did during the class and finding out different things about myself that I wasn’t hyper-aware of.  The best thing I got from it was an assignment (I seem to get alot of those lately) to ask people who are near and dear to me to name a couple of things that make me “great” in their eyes.  Sure, it sounds like fishing for compliments, and maybe it is a little bit, but honestly? It was EXACTLY what I needed.  Amazingly enough, the best response from the emails I sent out came from my own mother.  I know deep down she loves me, but we’re not a verbal family when it comes to positive topics.  It’s nice to know that she doesn’t think some of the choices I’ve made are awful, which is what I thought she saw.

—————-

Operation Grow the Heck Up is about to commence.  This is the title of my budgeting plan and my attempt to get my credit back on track.  Rent is officially caught up (and even paid early for November), and I will be starting on the other cards officially at the start of the new year – but doing some small steps now in prep for it, such as making sure my utilities are caught up and I have groceries in the house and in general just having a better understanding of where my money is going.  I opened a second bank account and will set aside a set amount per paycheck as my “play” money.  I’ll use this for when I want yarn, or a concert ticket, or to go have drinks/dinner with friends.  The main account will simply be used to pay off bills and nothing more.  I’m literally going to freeze the checkcard (as in, put it in the freezer in a block of ice) and write checks for groceries and bills.

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Lastly, I got a thank you card from the ex’s dad last night.  I had sent a sympathy card when I found out ex’s Grandma had passed away.  She had made the trek out to Chicago a couple years ago for my graduation and she always seemed pleased to see me when we’d visit CT.  His card to me was short and sweet, but very loving.  I miss that family so very much… I wish breaking up with one person didn’t mean you lost other people in the fray as well, but I can’t dwell on it too much.  I know how they feel about me, and they know how I feel about them.  The fact that my ex is out of the picture doesn’t change that.

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More Forgiveness…

November 12, 2008 at 11:01 am · Filed under life, love, motivation

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you condone their behavior.  It simply means you are ridding yourself of the negative energy used to harbor hurt feelings.  It gives you the ability to focus your energy on more important things – namely yourself.

It’s not a verbatim quote, but it is just one of the items I got out of my tele-class last evening entitled, “Discover your Greatness.”

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Oh GOD what did I do?

October 29, 2008 at 1:52 pm · Filed under aches & pains, exercise, Maui Marathon, motivation, Running, weight

I called my gym to see if I could set up an appointment with a personal trainer (I may have mentioned this a few times now) and I got an email response yesterday from a person named “PJ”.  I didn’t know if this person was a man or a woman and honestly I wasn’t sure what I was holding out for.   My gym is a little posh so I think it will be humiliating on SOME level no matter who it is – be it a hot guy or a hot girl.

Anyhow, PJ (which totally needs a creative acronym for something sadistic – seriously… it might mean the difference between me getting through this and me NOT getting through this.  I beg of you to comment with something clever!), sent an email asking what my goals were and what I hoped to get out of personal training.   I wanted to be up front and honest without flat out telling how much I weigh, because once PJ sees me in person I’m sure the first thing I’ll have to do is get on a scale.  I sent this in response:

My goals/reasons for hiring a personal trainer:
 
1. I do better with appointments.  I’ve had my membership at **** for nearly a year now and I could count maybe on one hand how many times I’ve been.  It’s quite an expensive donation, if you ask me.  I’d like to have it feel less like a donation and more like something I could actually enjoy paying for!
 
2. Weight Loss – I’ve got a family photo coming up next month and I’m DREADING it.  I know there isn’t much that can happen in a month, but if I’m at least on the PATH to where I used to be, that would be excellent.
 
3. I have some knee issues – the only way I can really describe it is they sound crunchy.  One doctor told me I simply needed to lose weight, another wanted me to get x-rays (and I’ll be honest, I haven’t done either!)
 
4. Ultimately, I want to be healthy enough to run a marathon before I turn 35.  I’ll be 31 in February.

Well, PJ just called me back.

PJ is a woman.

PJ sounds like a very perky woman.

I imagine the face I made when I heard her voice was similar to one Jen Lancaster might have made when she set up her first appointment with her trainer, Barbie.

I’m afraid.  Very, very afraid.

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Let’s seize this day!

October 28, 2008 at 9:17 am · Filed under baking, exercise, life, Maui Marathon, motivation, volunteering, weight

I met “Morrie” last night.  Morrie, from here on out, is what you will know my Senior Citizen that I am Friendly Visiting as.

Morrie isn’t quite homebound, but he is lonely in that his wife is mentally ill, in a nursing home, and therefore he is alone all the time.  Morrie is also an amazing, AMAZING painter.  He showed me a half dozen things he has painted and I just stood there in awe.  On top of it all, aside from a drawing class he took in high school many moons ago, he is otherwise self-taught! 

I’m really going to enjoy getting to know him!

Tonight when I get home I’m going to do something unprecedented: I’m going to bake cupcakes.  Two different kinds, at that!  Of course, before I can make said cupcakes I have to first do my dishes and put them all away properly so I can use the 18″ of counter space I have to do all the baking a decorating on.

I hope to take photos of this momentus occasion.  It’s not that I can’t bake or cook, it’s really just that my kitchen is so ridiculously tiny that I rarely spend time in there.  However, I was deeply offended when someone came to my house once and called my kitchen “scary” – it was even CLEAN at that time (well, maybe aside from a couple dishes)..  my point is, it wasn’t scary to them because of the mess, more that things in there are old and whatnot.  I think it was just one of those moments where it’s ok for you to make fun of something of your own, but if anyone else thinks it’s crap?  Well, they’re just being an asshat.

What else, what else… I think that’s it… OH!  Other than the fact that I am trying to hire a personal trainer through my gym.  Again, I do better with “appointments”, so if I’ve got one with someone at my gym who will help me get into a good exercise regimine I might actually GO to my gym instead of just donating money to them every month.  Maui 2010, anyone?

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