Archive for music
October 8, 2008 at 7:59 am
· Filed under music, nostalgia
and i wonder
if you miss your old friends
once you’ve proven what you’re worth
yeah i wonder
when you’re a big star
will you miss the earth
and i know you would always want more
i know you would never be done
‘cuz everyone is a fucking napoleon
———————————
I didn’t recognize this song when Ani first started playing it the other night. And as she got to the lyrics and i know you would always want more I leaned over to Beth and said, “Do you realize she’s about 5-6 songs in and I haven’t heard a single bad word out of her mouth?” Beth said, “True… guess we’re about to find out -” and right then Ani sang fucking napoleon..
We waited outside the theater to see if we could get her autograph or a photo or something, because that’s really my thing lately – getting autographs of famous people (I need to take a count how many I got this year) – but her tour manager came out and said the baby had just woken up and Ani normally doesn’t do autographs anyhow and at best we’d get a photo of her climbing into the tour bus if we hung around until about 1am.
Mark introduced me to Ani. I’ve mentioned him a time or two here, but a minor recap goes like this: I had 2 friends in Seattle. One was Molly who I met while working at a sign-shop (and have recently found again on the internet! Yay! More about her in another post…), and the other was Mark who I met while waiting 3 hours to get tickets to a Tori Amos concert. Mark was going to Western Washington University up in Bellingham and, strangely enough, he was also friends with this other guy I had found on ICQ when looking for potential friends in Washington State. The odd thing was, this guy on ICQ lived in Spokane and ended up actually being a former roommate of Mark at WWU – Anyhow, he was going for a visit to Bellingham and even though I had only talked to Mark briefly in the Tori line, I made the 3 hour drive and crashed at their dorms. (What can I say… I was 20 and fearless.)
Mark and I dated for a few months… when he wasn’t at WWU he lived on Bainbridge Island, which made it much easier to visit him. I did make a few trips up to Bellingham though, and since it was within an hour or two, one weekend we decided to head up to Vancouver, Canada. I’m pretty sure it was the Vancouver trip when Mark introduced me to Ani via Living in Clip – a 2 disc set of live songs. Later that summer Ani played at an outdoor festival and I found myself in a field with a bunch of very butch lesbians who would scream louder every time Ani said a bad word, and they were especially loud when she said the c-word.
Anyhow, I’ve fallen out of touch with Ani’s music over the years, and I don’t talk to Mark at all anymore, but the concert was a nice dose of Ani and a simple sprinkle of nostalgia.
For those keeping track of my schedule, next on the agenda is the So You Think You Can Dance tour next Friday… I WILL be hanging out at the stage door for that one! (Which reminds me, I need to figure out where that will be at this venue because it’s HUGE.)
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September 26, 2008 at 2:46 pm
· Filed under Chicago, anxiety, being a democrat, books, fluff, knitting, life, meditation, motivation, music, walking, weight
Due to financial constraints, I have a very low-key weekend planned. I was to go to Lake Villa and attend a party, but since I don’t think I can even afford the Metra fare up there… it’s unlikely.
Anyhow, my glamorous[1] weekend will start tonight where I will hopefully do my dishes and perhaps attempt to make what looks like a yummy WW recipe for stuffed clams. I will also watch the presidential debate, hope McCain makes an ass of himself, and continue to knit a square for a group blanket project (I got crazy ambitious and decided to make one of my squares in a very complicated cable pattern (September is for Antony). It’s beautiful, but who on earth has the patience to make this into a scarf??)
I have about 15 episodes of 90210 to catch up on, last week’s X and Xtra Factor (plus this week’s, if they are uploaded on time), Oprah from yesterday (which I hear had Jen Lancaster on it!) and.. I guess that’s it for TV.
I will also be checking up on a fellow knitting gal’s kitty on Saturday, which I have every intention of walking to her place – which is about a mile and a half away. We’ll see if that happens – it SHOULD happen, because I have little in the way of bus fare.
Other than that, the normal stuff needs to happen – there’s laundry to do… there’s kitty litter to change… There’s 100 more pages of the second Twilight that I keep saying I will read and have not yet!
Oh, but what I really, REALLY want to make an effort to do is meditate. I purchased a cd for guided meditation while I was down in Florida and I have yet to actually use it. The medium who read me said I would benefit from it, and actually I’ve had doctors tell me it might help reduce the severity of my panic attacks.
Anyhow, hope everyone else has lovely plans for this weekend… Looks like here in Chi-town, this might be our last shot at “summer” weather.
[1]Am I the only one who, when they spell out glamorous, I do it to the tune of Fergie? G. L. A. M. O. R. OUS – yeah… Flying first class… up in the sky…
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September 21, 2008 at 7:46 pm
· Filed under Chicago, dating, daydreaming, life, love, music, pisces, questions
I am longing to be in love.
There. I said it.
Come on, universe… throw someone good at me. I’m convinced my soulmate (if there is such a thing) is not sitting out there on match.com or eharmony or any of those sites. He’s not some former lover who I look at through rose-colored glasses.
I wish I knew where the heck he was because everyone keeps telling me to stop looking for him and he’ll find me. What if people are telling him to stop looking too?
Hear me
I’m cryin’ out
I’m ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
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September 16, 2008 at 8:54 am
· Filed under Chicago, music
You know, there is crap on my ipod that I am not sure why it is still there because it was music that I acquired from the ex’s tastes (very emo.. ugh), but then there’s other stuff from that same time that I run across from time to time and wonder why the heck I don’t have more of this in heavier rotation.
Today, it’s The Anniversary – The D in Detroit:
Feeling the time peel away at my life again.
As memories combine, not sure where I’ve ever been.
‘Cause it’s the D in Detroit which scares me to no end. I’ll count to ten.
When living this down makes so much sense.
We collide – and onward we do fly
We collide – and onward we do fly
Onward – until we hit again.
I kept your picture just behind the eye - those weeks when our distance grew.
Drove north where I found you waiting in Des Moines – thank God I’m not losing you.
And girl I hope you’re not alone – and sleep through this weather.
And girl I hope you’re whole again – back home we’ll sleep better.
In other news, I can’t decide if I want to fork over the money for a ticket to go see Dar Williams and Shawn Mullens or not. I’m therefore listening to a LOT of Dar today to help me decide (that is, when I’m not running into stuff like The Anniversary.
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August 25, 2008 at 7:30 am
· Filed under anxiety, daydreaming, life, love, music, pisces, stupid, worry
The “menstrual girl” entry by Pamie (of pamie.com fame) is still one of my favorite blog reads. I’m not even on this schedule and yet today I feel like a combination of several of the days described.
It might have to do with me having Tori Amos blaring through my ipod at the moment and my desire to bawl my eyes out for no real reason other than just plain old release.
But, go read Pamie’s post… it’s hilarious, and it helped me smile this morning.
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August 22, 2008 at 8:51 am
· Filed under anxiety, dating, daydreaming, life, love, music, pisces, questions
Despite the fact I have Liz Phair singing in my ears at the moment, I still have an old Nelly Furtado song stuck in my head. Ever have one of those moments where you’ve heard a song over and over but suddenly the lyrics make a little more sense?
I’m like a bird,
I’ll only fly away…
I don’t know where my soul is,
I don’t know where my home is…
Hearing this song reminded me of this thing ex-m sent me once from this massive birthday book he has (which, I’ve also been hovering over the ‘1-click-purchase’ button on my amazon wishlist all morning for said book). Anyhow, this book breaks down astrology to the exact day you were born and explains your traits, who you’re compatible with, and what your biggest weaknesses are. I had to go way back in my email archives to find it, but here’s the line that stood out and how it related to Nelly Furtado up there:
Feb 28 people are regarded with deep affection by others, especially since they regard others positively, wish to please and entertain those around them and, moreover, harbor no ulterior motives. They may often find it is difficult to stay committed in their personal relationships, however.
It sort of brings me to another point I wanted to bring up: the difference between someone who cheated once and someone who is a cheat (that deserves a blog alone)… but what does it say about me if I’ve been on the other end of that cheating fence? In otherwords – I’ve been the one who people in committed relationships have come to and in some cases, I’ve given in and been the other woman. Is it a “Pisces thing”, for lack of a better term, that I’ve allowed myself to be the other woman but never THE woman because I cannot commit to anything for too long?
And yet, funny enough, commitment is what I’ve been looking for in someone else.
My mom used to get frustrated with me because I’d be all gung-ho to go somewhere then once we got there I’d start bugging her about where we were going next. My own best friend said to me, “You could be sitting on a patch of the greenest grass ever. It’s a gorgeous day outside. You’re peaceful, grinning, content. A few minutes pass and you start looking around and say, “Hey.. that patch of grass 5 feet away is pretty green.. I should go sit on it.”
You’re lovely but it’s not for sure
That I won’t ever change…
I’m a confused little bird, that’s for sure.
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August 5, 2008 at 9:47 am
· Filed under Chicago, anxiety, daydreaming, fluff, life, music
I have attempted to buysTori Telling twice now from Amazon but the first time the order didn’t go through because I lost my check card (man, that was fun) and the second time… I’m not sure why the order didn’t go through, but after a closer look at my checking account I decided it was better that it hadn’t.
Why I want such a cheese-tastic book, I have no idea, but I do. Perhaps it’s the countless hours of 90210 I’ve been watching lately. Perhaps it’s because I’m addicted to her little show on Oxygen with her husband Dean. Maybe I’m just a sucker for celebrity gossip and what better way to get it than in the form of a book by the daughter of a (deceased) millionaire. Either way, I am going to restrain myself from a purchase this paycheck, but maybe by the next one. I couldn’t start reading it until close to the end of August anyhow, but I would like it in hand for my next trip to Florida (should that actually be happening).
In other news I spent the weekend at Lollapalooza and I have to say, last year far surpassed this year. Maybe it was my mood or something, but I kept getting annoyed, overheated, and generally bitchy towards people who thought pushing their way to the front was a nice thing to do. I did see some great acts and took some fun pictures/videos. All in all, it was great, but if you were to tell me tickets for next year were on sale right now, I wouldn’t be purchasing one.
What I DID purchase on Friday was a single ticket to the So You Think You Can Dance tour. I’ve never gone to anything like this and I’ve really enjoyed watching this season, which is also the first season I’ve ever watched.
That’s pretty much all the fluff going on in my world – oh, except that last night we had tornado WARNINGS in the city. wtf? I proceeded to get really, really nervous. Why is it that a nervous feeling is one thing, but a panic attack is totally different? I mean, my nerves were really bad last night, but I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out and die like a panic attack sometimes makes me feel.
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June 13, 2008 at 1:12 pm
· Filed under aches & pains, anxiety, dating, daydreaming, family, life, love, meditation, motivation, music, rants, vague, worry
To say that I’ve been in a mood lately would be the understatement of the year. I keep trying to remind myself of this lovely lyric:
All the people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside
Said lyrics, The Heart of the Matter (Don Henley). Admittedly I’ve been listening to the version by India Arie from the Sex and the City soundtrack.
Anyhow, anger eating me up inside – this is how I’ve really been over the past week or so. Not entirely, but for a vast majority of the time I’ve just been so mad and pissed off at the world. I wish to GOD I could pin this on an awful case of PMS, but it’s not that at all.
While trying to explain this to a friend I told her that most of the things that were upsetting me were things that have always been – nothing has really changed, I’m not surprised by the actions or reactions of others around me but this week they have just been piercing holes in my brain and nom nom noming away.
I’m hoping that a good bout of scrubbing and throwing shit around my house will help me get over this pent up frustration and anger. I’ve made an explicit, step-by-step list of just what I should be doing around my apartment tonight. Maybe cleaning my home will help me clean out my heart because right now it feels like this:
When really, it should be feeling something like this:
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May 15, 2008 at 9:27 am
· Filed under Chicago, dating, exercise, interior design, life, motivation, music, nostalgia, self esteem, weight
So, I’ve had 3 brushes with “fame” over the past few week or so. There was Jen Lancaster’s book signing last Tuesday, and last night I got autographs and photos with both members of Flight of the Conchords.
I also saw Eddie Izzard walking out of the Chicago Theater, but I have no photographic evidence of this – but take my word for it… he looked FABULOUS.
Anyhow, I’d LOVE to show you the photo I got of me and Jen, and of me and Bret, and of me and Jemaine, but the thing is someone has taken over the upper half of my body and has thrown all my extra weight in my arms, face, and boobs. In EVERY photo I’m sporting a double chin, and in a couple of them I’m sporting the largest arms on the planet.
Self Esteem = 0.
I had to go back and check a photo of me with a celebrity from a while back (Summer of 2003, 5 years ago) to see if I had always looked as bad as I think I do in these recent ones, and you know, I didn’t:
I’m not crazy skinny here, I’m wearing a size 14 pant, which had some give to it, and I was wearing one of my favorite shirts which I know I would never be able to wear anymore (and I don’t think I even own it anymore). The most important thing to note, aside from yes, that’s Frank Bielec from Trading Spaces, is that I only have ONE chin.
What’s even more sick about this photo? That scribbled out guy is my ex. Now? He’s lost quite a decent amount of weight – his fat cells have somehow transferred themself onto my body!
If I could truly believe that – that the extra weight I’m carrying around is burden left over from the relationship-of-which-I-don’t-want-to-speak-of… maybe, just maybe, I might have enough motivation to have my next photo with a celeb be one in which there are 2 chins: The celebrity’s and mine.
In the meantime, I have my first appointment with a nutritionist this evening. I know he/she is going to make me keep a food diary and… yeah. Not looking forward to it, but perhaps this is exactly what I need right now. For what it’s worth, I’ve printed out the pictures of me with Jen, Bret, and Jemaine, as well as the photo with Frank above. I want he/she to understand why I’m suddenly miserable in my body. I hope I find the motivation to love the body I’m in again.
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May 13, 2008 at 7:10 am
· Filed under Chicago, dating, daydreaming, life, music, self esteem
It’s been a while since I’ve had to take the train to work, but since rideshare guy took a day off, I was up and out of the house by 5:30 this morning.
I saw one of my normal bus drivers, and some of my “regular” commuters from way back when [read: December] when I used to take the bus and train every day. I opted not to read on the bus ride, because it had been a while since I’ve gone through the park and I wanted to see all that spring had sprung. (I also learned the farmer’s market starts up again tomorrow! YAY!)
Anyhow, I’ve made mention before that on the commuter rail there’s a very cute train conductor usually on my line. B, a girl I’ve made friends with who is also on the train at that ungodly hour, has said it had been a long time since she’s seen What’s-his-bucketson the train, so I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I didn’t doubt her either, because when rideshare dude went to Hawaii a couple months back I didn’t see Mr. Conductor Crush all week long.
Today, though, he was there.
And his hair is a little longer.
And he looks like he’s lost a little weight.
And he was wearing a short-sleeved shirt.
And he’s still cute as ever.
And, this is the worst one, I was still too shy to pipe up and say anything.
*headdesk*headdesk*headdesk*
Seeing him in all his cute glory did give me the impression that today is going to be a good day (ooh-wah-ooh*)
*bonus points to those of you who caught the Ice Cube reference.
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