Archive for weight

Live it out loud…

November 13, 2008 at 11:30 am · Filed under aches & pains, Chicago, debt, exercise, family, life, motivation, self esteem, volunteering, weight

OK.. brain dump about to commence:

I’ve had 2 sessions with PJ.  Last week was my first and I felt good afterwards and confident I’d be able to complete my ‘homework’, which was to make sure I got to the gym twice during the week to do cardio. 

I failed my homework by not going at all.

I don’t know if it was my failed homework, or if she was just trying to push more or what, but last night.  Holy Jesus did she kick my ass.  The first thing she did was get a stair-stepper, put it to it’s highest setting and then put 2 30lb weights on it.  I laughed a little as she walked over with the weights because I half-expected she was going to make me do something with them, but no.  She put the stair-stepper with the weights atop it parallel to a column.  She then got one of those little stretchy exercise bands, put it around the column and said, “Ok, use these for stability and do your squats – your butt should barely touch the weights.”  I had to do 15 of these.

Then there were other exercises, and 15 more squats.

More exercises, and another 15 more squats.

Two different exercises and just when I thought I was done she had me do 15 more squats.

In case you lost count?  60 squats.  “See, if I had told you at the start of the hour you’d be doing 60 squats you would have run away.”  She’s totally right.

Anyhow, I’m super amped up today and hope it lasts throughout the day so that I go home, toss on my gym clothes, and go do my cardio tonight.  My legs don’t hurt so much today, but I know they will tomorrow – and I REALLY won’t want to go tomorrow.

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I had to bail on Morrie this Monday because I had had a headache that had gone on for over a week and decided to go to the doctor to make sure something serious wasn’t going on.  The doctor attributed it to girly matters and when I asked why I’d suddenly get splitting headaches when that was never a side-effect before she said, “welcome to your thirties.”  Ugh. 

Anyhow, it was good that I went because I found out a test I had earlier this year was abnormal and I was supposed to go in for a follow-up in 6 months.  Turns out that 6 months is THIS month, so I’ve got another dr’s appointment next Monday.  Here’s hoping all goes well with that and the abnormal test result was a fluke.

But, going back to Morrie, I’m going to go visit him tomorrow night after work.  He’s a pleasure to talk to and have I mentioned he’s an amazing painter? 

This weekend is also the Chicken Luncheon for the hospital group I’m volunteering for (how I met Morrie).  Andi is going to come along with me and we’re going to talk with seniors, wrap gifts for the holidays, and…I’m not sure what else but it should be fun!

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I took a tele-class earlier this week about finding my inner “Greatness”.  I was a little indifferent about the class at first, but I’m rethinking some of the lessons we did during the class and finding out different things about myself that I wasn’t hyper-aware of.  The best thing I got from it was an assignment (I seem to get alot of those lately) to ask people who are near and dear to me to name a couple of things that make me “great” in their eyes.  Sure, it sounds like fishing for compliments, and maybe it is a little bit, but honestly? It was EXACTLY what I needed.  Amazingly enough, the best response from the emails I sent out came from my own mother.  I know deep down she loves me, but we’re not a verbal family when it comes to positive topics.  It’s nice to know that she doesn’t think some of the choices I’ve made are awful, which is what I thought she saw.

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Operation Grow the Heck Up is about to commence.  This is the title of my budgeting plan and my attempt to get my credit back on track.  Rent is officially caught up (and even paid early for November), and I will be starting on the other cards officially at the start of the new year – but doing some small steps now in prep for it, such as making sure my utilities are caught up and I have groceries in the house and in general just having a better understanding of where my money is going.  I opened a second bank account and will set aside a set amount per paycheck as my “play” money.  I’ll use this for when I want yarn, or a concert ticket, or to go have drinks/dinner with friends.  The main account will simply be used to pay off bills and nothing more.  I’m literally going to freeze the checkcard (as in, put it in the freezer in a block of ice) and write checks for groceries and bills.

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Lastly, I got a thank you card from the ex’s dad last night.  I had sent a sympathy card when I found out ex’s Grandma had passed away.  She had made the trek out to Chicago a couple years ago for my graduation and she always seemed pleased to see me when we’d visit CT.  His card to me was short and sweet, but very loving.  I miss that family so very much… I wish breaking up with one person didn’t mean you lost other people in the fray as well, but I can’t dwell on it too much.  I know how they feel about me, and they know how I feel about them.  The fact that my ex is out of the picture doesn’t change that.

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Oh GOD what did I do?

October 29, 2008 at 1:52 pm · Filed under aches & pains, exercise, Maui Marathon, motivation, Running, weight

I called my gym to see if I could set up an appointment with a personal trainer (I may have mentioned this a few times now) and I got an email response yesterday from a person named “PJ”.  I didn’t know if this person was a man or a woman and honestly I wasn’t sure what I was holding out for.   My gym is a little posh so I think it will be humiliating on SOME level no matter who it is – be it a hot guy or a hot girl.

Anyhow, PJ (which totally needs a creative acronym for something sadistic – seriously… it might mean the difference between me getting through this and me NOT getting through this.  I beg of you to comment with something clever!), sent an email asking what my goals were and what I hoped to get out of personal training.   I wanted to be up front and honest without flat out telling how much I weigh, because once PJ sees me in person I’m sure the first thing I’ll have to do is get on a scale.  I sent this in response:

My goals/reasons for hiring a personal trainer:
 
1. I do better with appointments.  I’ve had my membership at **** for nearly a year now and I could count maybe on one hand how many times I’ve been.  It’s quite an expensive donation, if you ask me.  I’d like to have it feel less like a donation and more like something I could actually enjoy paying for!
 
2. Weight Loss – I’ve got a family photo coming up next month and I’m DREADING it.  I know there isn’t much that can happen in a month, but if I’m at least on the PATH to where I used to be, that would be excellent.
 
3. I have some knee issues – the only way I can really describe it is they sound crunchy.  One doctor told me I simply needed to lose weight, another wanted me to get x-rays (and I’ll be honest, I haven’t done either!)
 
4. Ultimately, I want to be healthy enough to run a marathon before I turn 35.  I’ll be 31 in February.

Well, PJ just called me back.

PJ is a woman.

PJ sounds like a very perky woman.

I imagine the face I made when I heard her voice was similar to one Jen Lancaster might have made when she set up her first appointment with her trainer, Barbie.

I’m afraid.  Very, very afraid.

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Let’s seize this day!

October 28, 2008 at 9:17 am · Filed under baking, exercise, life, Maui Marathon, motivation, volunteering, weight

I met “Morrie” last night.  Morrie, from here on out, is what you will know my Senior Citizen that I am Friendly Visiting as.

Morrie isn’t quite homebound, but he is lonely in that his wife is mentally ill, in a nursing home, and therefore he is alone all the time.  Morrie is also an amazing, AMAZING painter.  He showed me a half dozen things he has painted and I just stood there in awe.  On top of it all, aside from a drawing class he took in high school many moons ago, he is otherwise self-taught! 

I’m really going to enjoy getting to know him!

Tonight when I get home I’m going to do something unprecedented: I’m going to bake cupcakes.  Two different kinds, at that!  Of course, before I can make said cupcakes I have to first do my dishes and put them all away properly so I can use the 18″ of counter space I have to do all the baking a decorating on.

I hope to take photos of this momentus occasion.  It’s not that I can’t bake or cook, it’s really just that my kitchen is so ridiculously tiny that I rarely spend time in there.  However, I was deeply offended when someone came to my house once and called my kitchen “scary” – it was even CLEAN at that time (well, maybe aside from a couple dishes)..  my point is, it wasn’t scary to them because of the mess, more that things in there are old and whatnot.  I think it was just one of those moments where it’s ok for you to make fun of something of your own, but if anyone else thinks it’s crap?  Well, they’re just being an asshat.

What else, what else… I think that’s it… OH!  Other than the fact that I am trying to hire a personal trainer through my gym.  Again, I do better with “appointments”, so if I’ve got one with someone at my gym who will help me get into a good exercise regimine I might actually GO to my gym instead of just donating money to them every month.  Maui 2010, anyone?

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Workin’ for the weekend

September 26, 2008 at 2:46 pm · Filed under anxiety, being a democrat, books, Chicago, fluff, knitting, life, meditation, motivation, music, walking, weight

Due to financial constraints, I have a very low-key weekend planned.  I was to go to Lake Villa and attend a party, but since I don’t think I can even afford the Metra fare up there…  it’s unlikely.

Anyhow, my glamorous[1] weekend will start tonight where I will hopefully do my dishes and perhaps attempt to make what looks like a yummy WW recipe for stuffed clams.  I will also watch the presidential debate, hope McCain makes an ass of himself, and continue to knit a square for a group blanket project (I got crazy ambitious and decided to make one of my squares in a very complicated cable pattern (September is for Antony).   It’s beautiful, but who on earth has the patience to make this into a scarf??)

I have about 15 episodes of 90210 to catch up on, last week’s X and Xtra Factor (plus this week’s, if they are uploaded on time), Oprah from yesterday (which I hear had Jen Lancaster on it!) and.. I guess that’s it for TV.

I will also be checking up on a fellow knitting gal’s kitty on Saturday, which I have every intention of walking to her place – which is about a mile and a half away.  We’ll see if that happens – it SHOULD happen, because I have little in the way of bus fare.

Other than that, the normal stuff needs to happen – there’s laundry to do… there’s kitty litter to change… There’s 100 more pages of the second Twilight that I keep saying I will read and have not yet!

Oh, but what I really, REALLY want to make an effort to do is meditate.  I purchased a cd for guided meditation while I was down in Florida and I have yet to actually use it.  The medium who read me said I would benefit from it, and actually I’ve had doctors tell me it might help reduce the severity of my panic attacks. 

Anyhow, hope everyone else has lovely plans for this weekend…  Looks like here in Chi-town, this might be our last shot at “summer” weather.

[1]Am I the only one who, when they spell out glamorous, I do it to the tune of Fergie? G. L. A. M. O. R. OUS – yeah… Flying first class… up in the sky…

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A lot can happen in a week

September 15, 2008 at 12:07 pm · Filed under Alzheimer's, anxiety, Chicago, dating, daydreaming, family, job stuff, Josh, knitting, life, love, motivation, nostalgia, pisces, self esteem, travel, weight

I looked at the calendar today and noticed there is exactly one week left of summer.  I noticed some of the trees were starting to change colors last week, and the weather is certainly cooler – I just, for some reason, am not ready for the official declaration of it being autumn and no longer being summer – or maybe I am.

I think much of it has to do with this spring/summer being one of the best since I moved to the city – remember last year when I was almost wishing not to have a job so I could take advantage of all Chicago had to offer int he summer and then I did lose my job and it sucked?  Well, this year has proved that I can in fact have my cake (job) and eat all the good Chicago-ness too!  Let’s take a look at what good times were had, shall we?

In April I got to go to Florida for the first time in 4 years.  I spent time with Ginny, went downtown.  I spent time with Josh, went to the beach.  I drove down A1A through Cape Canaveral and saw the house my mom and I rented once upon a time on the beach.

In May I met Jen Lancaster at a book signing (ok, “met” is a strong word…  I got my picture taken with her (said photo will be used as a good ‘before’ photo when I lose a bunch of weight)).  Andi graduated and had a birthday which meant dinner with her family and drinks with the gals from knitting group.  We also met Jemaine and Bret after the Flight of the Conchords show (2 more pics also for the before book) and I won tickets to see KT Tunstall – again.  Beth had a birthday at the end of the month and she and I had AWESOME seats to Avenue Q!  We chugged champagne before walking in the theater to see naked puppets.  Our knitting group also had the first of the BBQ’s at Beth’s place on Memorial Day.

June had some mixed feelings, but from the bad came some good.  Elizabeth had a birthday bowling party which was pretty darn fun and a few days later I got my first and only spinning lesson (spinning as in spinning yarn).  I was in a “mood” when I was with the girls, and 2 days later my mood worsened when my great aunt passed.  The good of her passing was that she did not suffer and I’m sure she’s happy to be reunited with her husband.  I also got to go see my family back east and though it was rough circumstances, it was still very good to see them.  Playing cards with my aunt, uncle and cousin still sticks out in my mind as one of the more fond memories of the week.  Neocon was also this month and despite ending a friendship after having the liquid courage of free martini’s, the martini’s were still a plus for the month!

In July we had our second BBQ at Beth’s for the 4th and then Chicago Summer Dance started.  Adrienne and I spent quite a few weekends down in Grant Park learning how to do various dances.  One of the better nights of dancing also involved us catching the fireworks from Venetian Night and ending up at the Intercontinental Hotel where we had the best Creme Brulee ever.   Jody and I took a Monday off from our respective jobs and went to Hurricane Harbor at Six Flags.  I still give her a little grief for not braving any of the slides with me, but we still had a great day on the Lazy River and the wave pool. 

August started with Lollapalooza.  I still say I’m unsure if I’ll go again next year, but I’m sure come April ’09 I’ll be buying a ticket for it anyhow.  Just before Lolla, I met Matt, which brought along some interesting dates/hanging out times throughout the month.  Even though he’s lived in/around the city all his life, we’ve still managed to go to places that are new to both of us.  We attempted to watch Blues Brothers during the movies in Grant Park, but we got rained out!  Boo!  I also fufilled a 4-year wish to be in a sailboat on Lake Michigan during August!  Next year I want to see if I can get in with a crew and learn how to SAIL the boat – riding is one thing, but the whole process of throwing the sale up and steering just looks like so much fun!

And this month.. Well, I went back to Florida and instead of running around to see EVERYONE I hadn’t seen in 4 years I instead planned on seeing only Ginny and Josh.  I was lucky to see Kristin too, and to go to Cassadaga to get a reading.  I went to the beach again and helped Josh shop for some stuff for his new place.  I treasure tete-a-tete time with Josh – it should happen more often.  I gave blood for the first time in my life last week (and my arm is still sore from it).  Over this past weekend Matt and I shared a 100$ wine flight that included wines from 1960-something and 1908!  This week we’re going to go see Batman on the Imax screen and Wednesday we’re having our first (and perhaps only) flying trapeze lesson.   I’ll be going back on the Points system for real (thanks to Jody joining it too – personal support rocks!) and I think on Friday I’m going to go to a Dar Williams concert on my own. 

And then it’ll be the weekend and Monday it will be fall.  And I’ll be ok with it because, well, that was one hell of a summer… but next year’s will be even better, right?

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Just keep swimming.. swimming.. swimming..

August 20, 2008 at 1:37 pm · Filed under aches & pains, Chicago, dating, exercise, life, Maui Marathon, motivation, swimming, weight

Folks, I did the unthinkable: I gave the link to my blog to someone I’m sort-of seeing in an undefined, yet somewhat exclusive sort of way.  In other words: it’s complicated but I’m happy.  He has a nickname that my friends have heard stories from, but I’ve actually started to call him by his real first name which is a rather big step for me. And we’ll leave it at that.

Anyhow, I mention that because in doing so it sort of forced me to go back and reread some of my older stuff on here to see what kind of picture I might be painting out there to the general masses.   Later posts bitch of lack of romance, family crap, and general everyday fluff.  Earlier posts have this gung-ho, I am woman – hear me roar attitude towards running a marathon that I had all but forgotten about.

Last week I watched the women’s marathon in the Olympics and became somewhat inspired again.  I still have knee issues though, so I decided on Saturday morning to take different inspiration from Michael Phelps and go to the gym for a swim.   I mean, any movement at this point is an improvement- especially since I only have 5 months left of a 12 month membership to a gym that I have been to only a handful of times?  It was time to go. 

So I stopped at my local Walgreens and got some goggles.  I figured, hey… if I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna LOOK like I know what I’m doing, right?  (I refuse to do a swimcap though… I just can’t bring myself to wear one.) I went in the gym and first tried the pool on the roof.  After peering through the window and seeing all around the pool were trixie-looking  girls I decided instead to go to the pool in the basement.   The 3 lanes were full, but there was one girl in the middle lane who offered to share with me.  I thanked her and sat at her lane with my feet in the water at the edge of the deep end of the pool as I adjusted the strap on my new goggles. 

Goggle-strap good to go, I hop in the water.  I forget an important thing as I do this: Gravity.  I wasn’t in the 3′ end of the pool so of course my fat ass immediately gets sucked under water and therefore I end up taking a breath juuuust as my nose hits the water.  You know that lovely feeling where you’ve got water up your nose and you wish someone could invent a blowdryer for your lungs?  That’s about where I was.  I somehow managed to come up for real air, sans water, and not look or sound like a dead seal with my coughing. 

Michael Phelps I most certainly am not.

I still managed to keep myself moving in the water for a full 20 minutes.  I didn’t swim laps the entire time – I did spend part of the time just simply treading water, but again: it was movement and it was good.

Sunday I moved furniture, did not go to the gym.

Monday was the day I shared my blog and got the inspiration and remembered that someone had told me, “You just have to get out there – once you’re there you can choose not to move if you don’t want to,” and therefore went to the gym anyhow.  I didn’t swim for a full 20 minutes, it was about 15 this time, but I did get in a few good laps and capped it all off with 5 minutes in the whirlpool. 

Since I have plans for the next 3 evenings I am planning to hit the water aerobics class on Saturday morning if for no other reason than to get some ideas on other exercises I can do in the pool.  I found some online, but I think some in-person instruction might be the better way to go.  Who knows, maybe I’ll even find a swimming buddy to encourage me to go to the gym more often.

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I have a dream, a song to sing…

July 23, 2008 at 8:12 am · Filed under dating, daydreaming, debt, dreams, exercise, job stuff, knitting, life, love, Maui Marathon, motivation, travel, weight

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually sat down and figured out what it is I want to do with my life because for the most part, I like to think I’m living it.  A few minor (maybe major) changes to be made, which is why I think it’s time to come up with a couple of lists. 

Short-term goals (before year’s end)
1. To be at a weight that doesn’t start with the number 2.
2. To come up with a plan for managing my debt (be it actually filing for bankruptcy or paying one card off at a time) AND STICKING TO IT.
3. This sounds trivial to some, but I want to finish knitting a pair of socks for once!

Long-term goals (before I turn 35)
1. Pass the NCIDQ so I can “officially” be a “Designer”.
2. Run and/or walk the Maui Marathon.
3. Visit Ireland (specifically for the Aran Islands).
4. Visit Spain (specifically to see this Calatrava building).

The major one I’d like to throw into the mix, which is out of my control, is to fall in love and eventually marry.  It makes me a little sad when I actually think I may end up being a woman who never bears a child, but then I remind myself that things happen for a reason and let’s face it – I haven’t run into anyone who would have been good father material in the past.

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One small step.

July 11, 2008 at 1:16 pm · Filed under being a democrat, dating, life, love, motivation, rants, self esteem, weight

We’re doing the Biggest Loser here at work again… the last time around I gave up around week 5 because people started trumping me and I wasn’t really doing anything to try to lose any weight. 

This time around it’s the 3rd week in and I’ve joined Weight Watchers’ On-line.  Today was weigh-in day and since the whole thing started I’m down 8 pounds!

Huzzah!

I also have a funny dating, or in this case, not dating story.   So, I was supposed to have brunch with this guy over the coming weekend.  We chatted on the phone last evening and conversation was flowing quite nicely, which I was pleasantly surprised by because his emails were nice, but… a little off.

Anyhoo, he asked me how long I’ve been doing the online dating thing and I explained my on and off again feelings about it.  “I’d rather meet someone after exchanging 1-2 emails so that we have things to talk about in person… also I feel that sometimes you can have the best conversations via email and on the phone but you can meet in person and there is ZILCH going on in the chemistry lab.”  He agreed with me and I continued on, “At the same time, you can go on a couple great dates and then find out the guy smokes weed which is a total deal-breaker for me.”  He was quiet for a moment and then said, “Hmm… perhaps we shouldn’t meet for brunch after all.”

Christ.

So I asked him if he smokes marijuana and he said, “occasionally.”  I said, “Can you define ‘occasionally’ for me?” He says, “Oh, I don’t know… 3-4 times per week?”

I don’t know about y’all out there, but 3-4 times per week of anything is not “occasionally” to me.  That’s “regularly” or “often”.  To me, an “occasional” user is someone who is at a party and takes a drag off something that’s being passed around.  If he’s smoking 3-4 times per week that means he has it in his house regularly and he’s buying it.  ”Occasionally” my ass.

So, needless to say, that date will not be happening.  I have a sentence in my profile that says something along the lines of “…you share my views on being pro-choice, anti-drug, and think that it’s stupid that more states don’t allow gay marriage.”  I’ve since edited it to clarify the anti-drug bit by saying ”if it’s illegal.. it’s a drug”.

The sick thing of this all is that I APOLOGIZED to him about not being able to have brunch with him.  WTF??  I should NOT be apologizing for having a stance on something, and in the future, I won’t.

But seriously, is every 30-something guy in the city a pot-head? Why have most of the guys I’ve run into online into the ONE thing I consider a deal-breaker?? 

Oh, but one more funny thing… I was telling RSG (Ride-Share-Guy) this story this morning and I said, “Does this make me have some conservative tendencies because I am so against marijuana? Am I less of a liberal because of this?”  RSG’s response was classic, “I don’t think so… I’m pretty sure half the country must have been stoned to re-elect Bush and you know the liberals didn’t do that.”

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Those shoes were NOT made for walking.

June 4, 2008 at 8:05 am · Filed under aches & pains, Chicago, exercise, interesting, motivation, Nike Chip, Shoes, stupid, walking, weight

I had to take the train home last night because RSG (Ride-Share-Guy) left work early because he wasn’t feeling well.  Normally I go all the way downtown and find my way back to the northside, but got a crazy idea to hop off the train at Western and walk through my old neighborhood (Now lovingly known as “enemy territory”, or to one of my friends, “asshatville”).  

Since I wasn’t prepared for this walk, I was wearing the worst shoes ever and every time I stopped at a light or to cross a street my feet were burning – but if I started walking again they felt fine so I kept going.  Also because of the impromptu-ness of this walk, I was not wearing said Nike Chip so I had to go on Google Maps to see exactly how far I had gone.  The results?  Approximately 2.2 miles!  WOO!

I checked out a couple things this morning such as: What if I got off the train at a different stop?  How far would that be?  What if I had just walked all the way home? How far was that?  Well, here’s what I found out:

If I had walked all the way home it would have been about 5.5 miles.

If I took a later train and got off at the stop “closest” to my house in relation to where it stops north/south, it would be about 5 miles.

If I took the OTHER train and got off at the stop closest to my house it would be a 3.3 mile walk home.

I think with comfy shoes, I could make that 3.3 mile walk.  Not today (even in comfy shoes and after giving my feet a soak last night they are still rather blistered)… but perhaps either later this week or next week on the day I have to take the train home…  I can do this.

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Am I what I eat?

May 21, 2008 at 10:04 am · Filed under motivation, weight

In an effort to not have to keep a food diary, I’ve decided to incorporate media I am much more comfortable with – the Internet and my camera phone.

So, for a pictorial view of what I’m eating and drinking each day, check out “in my mouth” (http://inmymouth.wordpress.com/ [note: site has gone by the wayside... [problems with flickr and me just not updating it]) – Monday was a good example of a full day, and then I woke up yesterday morning with something resembling food poisoning (I don’t want to go into the details, but let’s just say one room in my place got more visitation than I would have liked) – therefore my food intake for yesterday consisted of a Ginger Ale, and some frozen Pizza. 

The only thing I haven’t figured out how to quite get around is what to do if I don’t eat everything I’ve photographed.  The pizza yesterday was a good example.  In the photo, you can see 2 miss-shapen pieces.  I ate the smaller of the two, plus a small bite of crust off the larger piece.  I ended up throwing out the larger piece.  I made a note on the post, but… yeah.  I need to come up with a better way I think.

Anyhow, that’s my new adventure.  I hope to keep it up for a while.  It does help a little bit because I think before I go to put anything in my mouth, “I’m going to have to photograph this and put it on the Internet… am I ok with that?”

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